Back to basics

Today at the weight loss support meeting after hearing a story about a WLS patient who went out of their way to eat fries, we were asked... "did you have surgery to eat french fries?".

No one really answered but on the inside I was screaming "YES". I DID have weight loss surgery so that I could eat fries. And cake. And ice cream. And steak. And vegetables. And... . I had weight loss surgery so that I could eat like a normal person. I eat a lot of the "good" stuff and a little of anything else I want (well, usually a little).

This is exactly one of the main reasons I chose the Duodenal Switch over the many other weight loss surgery options available. I love to eat my protein and don't begrudge at all that it makes up 80% of my meal plans. I do however thoroughly enjoy the other 20%. If I want something I have it. I am not prepared to live my life denying myself anything. This mindset is very different from the mindset that I had when I was on a diet. I continually failed. Since changing my mindset however I don't feel deprived. Even when I don't eat anything other than protein and complex carbs. Why? Because I know that there are no absolute off bound foods. I don't feel the need to "test" my limits... too often.

Today the question about the fries really irked me. I think it was said with good intent but it hit too close to home in terms of the guilt and deprivation that went hand in hand with diet after diet after diet. I chose, I choose, not to live like that anymore.

Month 10 Photo Comparison

221.4lbs

That makes for a measly 4.2lbs for the month. It frustrates me not so much for the absolute number but because less than a week ago I weighed 3lbs less. Timing sucks. Oh well, it's still down for the month and that's what I need to focus on.

As of today, 10 months since having the Duodenal Switch surgery, I have lost 67.7% of my excess weight. That's not bad. There are others that have lost faster and there are others that have lost slower... I'm probably about middle of the pack in terms of %EWL (percentage of excess weight lost) for the DS population. Other surgeries have different weight loss patterns.

Photo 1: Presurgery 350lbs
Photo 2: 5 Months - 93lbs
Photo 3: 10 months - 128lbs

Weight Update

It would be easy to mistake this for being anything but a weight loss blog these days. It's funny how as I lose weight, the weight really isn't the main focus anymore. And the things that are now my focus would not have been possible had it not been for the weight loss.

I mean, take a look at my before photo. With all the prejudices against obesity do you think I'd be finding myself in a position where I applied for one job, they offer me a higher level one and then they offer me something total new again? The answer is no. Even though my skills are the same, the perception and my ability to sell myself would have been different.

So today... 220.2lbs. Moving down again... that pesky 5lb increase is taking a little longer to disappear than I would like. My official 10 month weigh in is on Sunday. I would like to see it down a little lower before then. But who knows. I have come to learn that what I want and what I get in terms of my weight are two very different things. I can control what I put in my mouth but I can't control the weight itself. Sometimes there just is no real reason for the swings... up or down.

I plan to take my photos to my support group meeting on Sunday - it'll be a chance for the newbies to see what is possible with a little time, a little surgical magic and a whole lot of winging it as you go along.

Good Grief

Well I was up until after 1am tying myself in absolute knots. Quite frankly it was a night from hell.

Why? Well where some of you have seen an exciting opportunity hubby sees

1. A company who doesn't know what the hell they are doing. I mean how can you have one offer on the table on Monday and by Thursday there's another position that they may or may not go ahead with? His view right now is that this is a Mickey Mouse company and I'll be out of work again in a year. I don't see it that way. I think this is a company that is changing quickly and I'm kind of excited about the opportunity to be there on the ground floor with them as they grow. He wants me to keep looking even if I start there. I want to immerse myself into my new job.

2. Me not having actively pursued any other opportunities since we started interviewing with this company 6 weeks ago (albeit for a totally different position). He sees this as me putting our family at risk should this not come through. He is right to a certain extent. I "knew" this was the company/job for me and I was working very hard to land it. Had I been/ if I am wrong then I would have lost the 6 weeks. This is what is causing him the most stress. I hate that this is causing him so much stress. I hate that this has blown up so much that I am finding it hard to find joy in this situation. In terms of the new role - it is very exciting. It is one that will allow me to take my existing expertise to new heights. It will allow me to establish a function in the way I think it should operate without the burden of years and years of "but we've always done it this way" to hold me back. That's very exciting to me. It's play time. I want to run with that excitement and build on it... hubby's stress is not allowing me to do that. I want to share it with him. I can't do that right now because in his eyes until I have that signed piece of paper I have nothing.

I spoke with my boss-to-be this morning and she has put my mind at ease somewhat. The offer is not at risk. It's not a matter of either or and if one falls through then I'm without a job. I have decided to move forward with the training role for a number of reasons

1. as I mentioned - I get to create, with my team, what we want to be
2. I think there will be longer term security in this role that the other director role I was offered
3. It's a great way to learn the business while supporting it and it opens up possibilities for future roles that may be a more difficult sell right now.

There will be more travel involved with this initially since my team is spread over three sites in Boston and Ontario. This will be really hard on the family, especially Ms 8. However, once we have the basics in place I will have a team that I should be able to rely on to manage their own functions.

My boss-to-be is circling back with the powers that be and I should hear more this afternoon. I hope hubby can tolerate a little more ambiguity until it's all sorted out. I hope he can see past the 'growing pains' at some point and see the potential. I want to enjoy this with him. He's my best friend. I want to celebrate with him.

I think my head is going to explode!

So... not only do I not yet have a new offer. I now have the choice of two jobs. Except one of those two jobs is not yet concrete. Reporting to the same person.

Step back. My potential boss to be called. She is looking to reorganize the training organization that reports to her by creating a Director level position. The five managers currently reporting to her would report to this new position. I would have responsibility of a training organization of 35 people in total. The person that interviewed me originally for the training manager role would report to me. Weird.

Weirdness aside. She called me to find out from me, that if this position was created would I regret taking the one I'm being offered. Would I prefer to take the training one.

My dilemma... I have obviously sold myself for the position I am being offered. Will I be letting people down? I am really pumped about the offered position but this one has interest too. It is an area that I could have an immediate impact on. The current role is an individual contributor role. The downside is that I have to do the work. The upside is not having to deal with personnel issues. The new role has an upside of having a team to work with. You can have some real impact with a properly staffed team. The downside is having to deal with personnel issues. Don't get me wrong. I love being a manager but sometimes the pettiness gets real old. I have a super low tolerance for pettiness at the moment.

Will I be perceived as having sold them a line if I change positions? Is this a test? OMG... I am so flippin' confused. Any thoughts would be most welcomed.

Hospital gowns

Hospital gowns are the bane of obese people. Not only do they invariably not go all the way around our bodies but they are so tight that they cut off the circulation around your neck and pull tight against your unfettered breasts because the arms don't fit properly. Hence any attempt at putting them beside you will result in squished boobs. It's not a pretty sight. For the obese or those that have to deal with us.

Today, for the first time since surgery nearly 10 months ago, I had to wear a hospital gown. It fit. No, it was too big. It did up. I wasn't choked. I had full range of movement. Holy crap.

This is one I would not have thought about. It's one of life's odd ball wow moments. I'll take it. This is the first time in a long time I have had a medical appointment that required some state of undress that didn't involve humiliation.

Still waiting

I am still waiting for a new offer to be sent through. I am on tenterhooks. I am so busy second guessing myself that I am having a hard time being productive. I know they are working on it. HR emailed me last night to say that they have all the right people involved now.

I hope to hear today. If I am to participate in their bonus program which requires a 90 day employment period for eligibility the latest I can start is October 3rd. That's next Wednesday. I need clothes. I need shoes. Breath Ann breath.

Bloodwork

Regular blood work (annual) is important for most people but it is particularly important for weight loss surgery patients. Your blood work can be an early indicator of problems.

I got my 9 month results today. Two main issues have been highlighted

1. I am anemic. We knew that in May and since then my iron levels have come up slightly but my hemoglobin, hamatocrit, iron saturation and red blood counts are all too low. All are indicators of anemia. We will continue with the iron supplementation and I will work to increase the iron I am consuming in food.

2. My protein is low. I have dropped below the minimum range of 60 - 82 G/L. I am currently sitting at 58. This is of greater concern to me than the anemia. If your body is not finding enough protein it will turn to your muscle mass to satisfy it's needs. Solution? Up my protein intake. It has been suggested I try to get up as high as 150 grams per day. Exercise. I need to build muscle mass so weight and/or resistance training is going to be part of my reality moving forward.

The good news out of the labs is that my Cholesterol remains amazing and my vitamin D has doubled. Amazing what a little sunshine will do. It'll be interesting to see how my levels are impacted by these shortened sunlight hours in the great white north.

As much as I have such difficulty fasting for 12 hours to get my labs done, I am so grateful of the early warning system we have in place. I will go every three months just to keep an eye on how things are progressing.

For newbies and preops alike, don't ever discount the need for blood work. Diligence can literally save your life.

I'm Tired

I am through and through tired. I am so tired that I could easily curl up in bed and sleep. All day. But I can't and that makes me tired.

Do you ever have those days when you just want to check out for a while? Let go of every responsibility and deal with the fatigue that's dragging you down. That is definitely me today. The source of my tiredness? I think it's a number of things

1. Daughter woken up by storm we had last night. That means Mommy has to be woken too
2. Dumb assed dog, DAD for short, decided that 2am was a good time to get up. Since I was up anyway (read 1) I took her downstairs. I snoozed on the sofa but it's just not the same.
3. The tension from the job search. I'm nearly done. I have countered with the change I would like to see in the offer and now I wait. This wait is making me tired. I need for it to be done so I can truly move on.
4. With me going back to work my three kids are going to have to interact. Unrefereed. This is making me decidedly anxious. Mr's 14 and 16 have not yet learned to put aside their own needs to help their sister. Everything is a major issue. If she asks for help they'll try and get her to do it first. It turns into an argument. She doesn't want to ask for help anymore. Everything is saved for when I'm around. I'll be traveling with this role. It's going to make this all worse. Ms 8 is the one that will suffer the most. The thought of this is overwhelming.
5. My weight is still up. Crap. I'm tired of this.

So there you have my little whinefest. I know my problems are minimal compared to many but today my life is just making me...well... tired!

And so swings the pendulum

Yesterdays weight: 218.4lbs
Todays weight: 223.4lbs

I know this is not an increase in weight. I'm holding water and my normal bowel movement routine just hasn't happened. What a difference a day makes huh? Hopefully it'll drop back off in the next couple of days. I have my weigh in early this month (Thursday) and I would much prefer the 218 mark.

Solution? Drink a ton of water today and throw in a protein shake or two. I've already thrown in some additional fat in the form of Portuguese bacon. It'll be interesting to see what the scale says on Thursday.

The offer is a good one

Salary: Competitive

Benefits: Good

Vacation: to be negotiated. They have offered me 20 days which can be a mix of vacation, sick and personal days. I had 32 days in my previous job. I will speak with them tomorrow about a number of ways we could address this eg. Increase the number of days or increase my base salary and give me the option to take up to 5 days unpaid leave (at my discretion). For me this is about insurance... I don't think I'll need the extra days but when you have a chronic illness such as MS you don't leave yourself uncovered. If they can't give me the extra days we're talking about an annualized increase of $2,500... shouldn't be a big deal...right?

Other than a few other little details I need to clarify I think we're really close. I'm excited - I'm looking forward to this new phase of my life.

More details to follow

I have an offer! I was grocery shopping when they called. I'm on my way over there with references etc for a reference, credit and criminal check.

I am so freakin' pumped and not one person I called was there... so I had to come shout it here!

Time to run - I promised to be there for 12.30.

Woo hoo... woo hoo... woo hoo.

A fly by update

There are some weekends that are just crazier than others. This certainly has been one of them.

My day yesterday:

1. Leave at 8.15am with Ms 8 for rep soccer tryouts. Finish at 10.30am
2. Get home at 10.50am. Pick up Mr 14 and get him to football practice for 11am. Make it with 30 seconds to spare
3. Pick up Ms 8 to take her out to lunch. Drive to pool for 12.30 junior lifesaver club
4. 1.45 head out to pick up Mr 14 after game
5. 2.25 get home.
6. 2.50 head out to pick up Ms 8's friend. We go apple picking
7. 4.15 drop of friend and Ms 8. Head to Home Depot for parts for the new dishwasher. Head to M&M meat stores for food inspiration
8.4.55pm pick up Ms 8.

We then had a good 1.5 hours at home before heading out for dinner. Talk about wiped! When the alarm went off at 4am to get ready to get hubby who had gone to Ann Arbor for the Michigan Wolverines home game, lets just say that I was a little on the tired side. Back to bed at 6.30am but the body kicked in so I could only doze on and off for the next few hours. I need for everyone to go back to work/school so I can take a break!

Good news... my weight was down to 219lbs this morning. I am very excited to see a period of regular loss. It's been a while.

Wow's come in little packages

Today Ms 8 started the junior life saving club. A portion of the time is spent swimming laps. She has not swum laps for a good 6 months. Tears ensued when she experienced the "oh my gosh my lungs are going to burst" sensation that most non swimmers have in the first 10 minutes of swimming laps.

I crouched by the pool and talked her through it. To her credit she summonsed up the strength to do one more lap. I was very proud of her.

As I sat in my chair wallowing in my pride, it dawned on me. I crouched. For 5 minutes. I got up. Holy crap! I didn't lose my balance. My knees didn't seize up in pain as they were trying to force up 350lbs of weight. I didn't need to hold onto anything to get up. I just stood up. Moved to my chair and sat down. This normal action for non obese people is a huge thing for me. My body can now carry my weight and do what it needs to do. Holy crap!

Sometimes you have to look for the wow's but that doesn't make them any less sweet.

He said, she said...end of story

His Response:

Hi Ann,

You might want to read what surgeons who peform DS write in the literature. Dr. Scopinaro who developed the pancreatico biliary diversion around 1980 had his oeration turned into the DS has written about this. Fats are a problem for many DS pts. They cause steatorrhea, very loose bowel movemnts and lots of gas. So let us know what you find out. You may also want to commnet on mortality rates.

Thanks
Dr. G****r

My Response:

Dr G****r,

My concern is not with your comments about loose bowel movements and gas. This can happen to those that have the Ds. Loose bowel movements however does not equal diarrhea and the gas is largely controllable through diet for those that are afflicted this way.

My issue with your comment is about the 4000 calories needed. This is incorrect and very misinformed.

Your practice offers a very viable weight loss surgery option but you do not do yourself any favours by spreading misinformation about other surgery types. Credibility comes from letting people make their choices on facts not misinformation aimed at "closing the deal"

I will certainly continue my research, I respectfully invite you to do the same.

Sheesh... I should be charging for my time to educate him. He keeps referencing the 1980 studies... a lot has happened since then in the world of the DS. Eg. Hess happened, which is why we have the DS we have today. Good Lord I hate ignorance.

4000 Calories? Give me a break!

There's nothing more annoying than people perpetuating misinformation. When it's a medical professional that perpetuates this sort of crap then it's down right disgusting. As a medical professional there should be additional due diligence paid before sharing information, or in this case misinformation. It came to light after I responded that he is an RNY doctor. Hmmmm... methinks the plot thickens.

The issue on hand is a comment posted by an Ottawa based doctor. He stated, in summary, that Dsers need to eat 4000 calories in order to absorb 600 - 800. The rest is essentially pooped out.

WTF? For those that saw this post on the ObesityHelp Ontario forum my response is posted below. It outlines how to look at calories if you are so inclined to look at them at all. Smart DSers keep a close eye on their protein intake as well the amount of simple carbs that they eat (most shoot for between 30 and 120 grams of carbs dependent on where they are in their weight loss journey... I probably eat close to 100 grams). The rest just happens. Most DSers don't limit fat since it helps many that suffer from constipation to keep things regular. Similarly very few go out of their way to eat excessive amounts of fat for fats sake.

Anyway, my response:

Dr G****r,

Your post made me raise my eyebrows... 4000 calories a day to absorb only 600 - 800 calories?

Let's look at the math:

Dsers absorb 20% of the fat we eat. Therefore if we eat a diet that contains 4000 calories from fat alone, your comment is correct. We would absorb 800 calories. We would also need to have a toilet surgically attached to deal with eating 4000 calories of fat. Anyone who eats 4000 calories of fat would have issues

Dsers aim to eat 90 - 120g of protein a day. This is because we absorb approximately only 50% of the protein we eat. Leaving us with say 60g of protein absorbed. Use a simplistic 4 calories for each gram then we are absorbing 240 calories a day from this protein. This means we consume 480 calories to absorb that much.

Simple carbs are absorbed at 100%. 600 calories of simple carbs equals 600 absorbed.

Complex Carbs I believe (and this is the one area I have seen varying opinions on) we absorb about 60% of... the calculation is not far off the protein calculation

The sum of all this is that most Dsers, dependent on how far out they are from surgery and their own particular weight loss patterns, probably eat between 1200 and 2400 calories a day. The higher the fat intake the higher the calories.

Your comment about eating 4000 calories is very misleading to people who are just researching their options. In fact it is incorrect for the greater majority of DSers.

With respect

Ann - a dser who happens to have an analytical background and just can't walk away from the numbers :)

130lbs down! Woo freakin' Hoo!

This morning I weigh a nice even 220lbs. I have lost 130lbs since Nov 30, 2006.

I am so excited. I love these nice round milestones. Every 5lbs carries a significance for me that the singles just don't.

I am 20.1bs away from being able to type a '1' as the first number in my weight. THAT will be a huge milestone because it will also happen to correspond to a 150lb weight loss

Happy day!

.4 more lbs

Only .4lbs away from 130lbs lost.

Todays weight: 220.4lbs

Looking back at my posts it's been a month since I first celebrated 125lbs lost. Slow but steady is the mantra right now.

I think I'm done

My last interview was at 11.15 this morning. I was really nervous about the purpose of the meeting but it turned out to be a casual chat. I asked lots of questions - she did most of the talking. It worked well.

The meeting ended with "I need to talk with my finance people but we'll get back to you promptly. And given how long this has taken I mean promptly". During the meeting she made comments such as "one day I'll have to tell you that story" and "yesterday there was an empty spot at the table but you can catch up". So all the indicators are positive BUT she didn't say "you have the job" which is really what I need to hear. I believe I will be employed shortly but I can't get excited until I have the offer in hand. Hubby won't relax until I have that offer in hand.

After 10 interviews, with 8 different people, I have to say that I am very impressed with these folks. There is such a passion for what they do and what they believe in that I can't help but get excited during the interviews.

Hopefully by this time next week I'll be here announcing to the world that the next part of my career journey is about to start. They are words I will be very glad to share.

Interview Update

My blog wouldn't be complete without yet another interview update. Right now it's a part of my life that's just as all encompassing as my weight loss.

I had a great discussion with the lady I was to meet with. It was a short meeting though - less than 30 minutes due to another commitment she had. She has asked to meet again to discuss a critical piece of the role. On Thursday. This will be meeting number 5 for this job, 10 with this company.

Hubby hit the roof when he found out. He is struggling with 2 things. Firstly that there are so many interviews required for one job. In his world that doesn't happen. In my world it does at the more senior level so I have less of an issue with that. Secondly, while I am focusing on trying to land this job I have essentially stopped all other activity. It is clearly making him very nervous because should this one not end up in an offer I am not much further ahead than I was in May. It is causing him a lot of stress and last night in came out when I told him that was another interview required. Quite frankly I don't know for sure that this will be the last one.

Time for me to kick it back in gear... just in case. I believe I will be ok but I can't be sure. This uncertainty is making it hard to move forward on so many levels.

Weight Update

Today: 221.4lbs

Eight days ago: 221.4lbs

In between: lots of little ups and downs.

I have to say it's getting a little old. I'm at the point in my journey where I'm beginning to understand why I have failed so many times in the past. At the beginning of a diet, and I have tried more than my fair share, there is extreme motivation which is fanned by seeing the pounds come off. It's exciting, its new. Then the weight loss slows, stops or reverses. It's not so exciting any more and it's definitely not new. The routine of it all becomes depressing. Depression that is deepened when you still think about how far you have to go. Then you begin to wonder if it's worth it. Is it worth the deprivation and hunger? Invariably at some point the answer is no. No it's not worth it. That's how I became super morbidly obese.

This time around it is different. I am not struggling with the fact that I will be eating/supplementing this way for the long haul. I am not feeling deprived because I am denying myself nothing. If there is a flavour that I want, I have it. Usually in very small amounts but I have it.

This time around I know that the weight will continue to come off. I am not as afraid of failing overall as I was when I started this latest (and last) weight loss journey. I have already lost a significant amount of my excess weight. More will come off albeit extremely slowly.

The excitement has largely worn off though. I don't stand on the scale with anticipation anymore. I stand on it with hope. Hope that I have not gained significantly. Hope that the number edges down a little. This is the part of the journey where I am going to have to work.

And largely, other than trying to navigate the head stuff, I have not worked that hard yet. My body is telling me that in order to reach my ultimate goal, I am now going to have to work. I have to move. I have to develop more muscle mass. I have to strengthen. I may also have to tweak my eating regime a little. Mixing it up is a good thing and as I shrink my body needs less... I have not yet adjusted for that.

The goal weight that I agreed with my surgeon was 160lbs. A more realistic goal based on my height, age and body type is probably 170lbs. So as of today I have between 58 and 68lbs to lose. That is still a large amount of weight. If I keep losing at the 5lbs a month rate I will lose this weight over the next 12 months. Doable... I think so. Would I like it faster? Absolutely. Will I be happy just to get there? You bet.

Head up my ass?

Apparently I've had my head so far up my ass that I didn't even realize I had hurt someone I call a friend. I probably would not have known had I not forwarded an email that I received to people that I thought would enjoy the message. She responded. She let me know I had hurt her. I am thankful she did because at least it gave me the chance to apologize. For what it was worth.

But it's got me to thinking. And sorry if this comes out garbled... I only read the email about 30 minutes ago so it's all still very new. Anyway, it got me to thinking. How is it that some people can be so thoughtful and giving of themselves and others cannot. I obviously have limited capacity. I've posted about this before.

In many ways my reaction to dealing with life is more male than it is female. I retreat. I enter my cave and deal with those things that have to take immediate priority. I'm like a tree living through a brutal winter. I keep the roots nourished at the peril of the leaves and branches that make the tree the beautiful things that others admire. The tree that provides refuge to those looking for shade or nourishment.

And when I look back at my posts of the past year I've been dealing with a lot. Rightfully or wrongfully my way of dealing with my weight loss journey, my trials and tribulations of a growing family, of a job loss, of trying to find my way out of unemployment has been to close in. I don't have any more to give and that can make me a lousy friend. I don't purposely cut people off but I am less thoughtful than I could/should be.

Largely I am simply disorganized when I am like this. My mail ends up in piles until I deal with them. Monthly. Often late. My house is a pig sty. I am apathetic at best towards organizing this part of my life. It's almost like I'm resisting being the only one to do this. Just because I am at home. I do not want to be seen as "being at home". That is not my life choice even while I greatly admire those that have made that choice. It is not personal in relation to any person that I come into contact with. The thoughtlessness/ disorganization is across the board. I was reminded tonight that others do not know that. For them it is personal. For that I am truly sorry.

Interview Update

My 9.30am phone interview was pushed off until 4pm. The interviewer got held up this morning and asked for it to be changed until noon. I told her I had an appointment at noon but could do later this afternoon. We settled on 4pm.

I thought the interview got off to a stilted start but I must have hit a nerve with one of my answers because all of sudden I was getting lots of positive feedback eg "the interview is going swimmingly". I really enjoyed meeting with this woman - I think I managed to convey that I had what it took for the challenges of the job. She ended it with "I'll look forward to interacting again with you soon".

As far as I know I have one more phone interview which is scheduled for 4pm tomorrow afternoon.

I am starting to get excited. But I am scared to feel real confidence until I see something in writing. I am hoping that there is a major celebration in my very near future.

Friends

Exciting shopping experiences aside, the best part of the weekend was the opportunity for me to spend some time with Meredith. You know how there are some people that you don't see very often, may not speak with very often but when you reconnect it's just very comfortable. That's how I feel about my friendship with Meredith. I totally enjoy her company and it's comfortable. So comfortable that apparently I didn't have second thoughts about falling asleep on the sofa while we were all watching tv... in my defense I was up at 5.30am and I did drive 4.5hours to get there.

Ms 8 got on famously with Mr 8 and little Ms almost 5. Ms 8 had a blast. She has come home begging for a trampoline (no unless we get rid of the pool) and a request to go visit again. No to the requested visit this up coming weekend but I think we can do something in the not too distant future. I know that hubby would love to go to a Michigan game with Meredith (a long time Michigan fan). Who knows... we'll see what we can organize.

Time to dash and prepare for my interview. Blogging is stress relieving for me hence spending time here 15 minutes before a critical interview.

Thanks for a wonderful weekend Mer and Adam!

Size 16

Read it and weep baby... I'm down to a size 16. Well almost in some cases...

My shopping expedition was a very productive one. First stop the GAP outlet store. I purchased two pairs of jeans, pair of dress pants and a pair of winter capri's. All in a size 16 and they all fit. It just boggles my mind that I am a 16. For Australian readers, that's a size 18 Australian. It was a great way to start the shopping day. Did I mention that I am a size 16??? Throw in some long sleeve t-shirts and I have some clothes appropriate for the current weather.

I also purchased 2 suits from Kaspers. Size 16 but need to lose about an inch from my hips and an inch from my chest to make the jackets work. The pants fit fine. There's a change for you... the fact that I have slimmed down in my waist and legs first is very unusual for me. Weight loss seems to be happening in a very different way than in the past. Maybe this time it'll stick?

Add in a skirt, shirt and sweater from dress barn and I have a good start to my fall casual and work wardrobes. I went with the assumption that I will be working shortly (I have interviews at 9.30 this morning and 4.30 tomorrow afternoon) so I made sure I had some clothes to actually go to work in. In a pinch I can wear the size 18 clothes I bought for interviewing in but they will not last much longer. They are very loose.

I've never really enjoyed clothes shopping before but it's so cool being able to pull things off the rack. Some things fit and some things don't. Isn't this how normal people shop? Slim people? It certainly opens up a whole new world being a size 16 in terms of clothing options. I need never step into a Pennington store again. In fact, I think I'll make that a life goal. As much as I liked some of their clothes, I vow never to need them again.

One of those days

Yesterday was just one of those days. One of those days where a whole stack of little things just quite don't go your way. In chronological order:

1. went to buy Ms 8 a bagel for breakfast but construction had blocked the entrance to Tim Hortons. So not only were stuck in traffic for ages, I had to take a 5 mile detour to get her breakfast... well, maybe half a mile but it ticked me off like it was 5 miles.
2. Decided to take the train to Toronto so that I could exchange a US$ cheque I had received for shares that C had unexpectedly made available as of my true termination date (June 19) for US$ to take shopping this weekend. Normally I would just mail the cheques in but this is a way to bypass the exchange rate. Get there to find out that cheques over a certain amount (mine was $650 over) had to go into an account - they couldn't just cash it. Great... that was 3 hours of my day I'll never get back
3. Came home to pay bills etc. Decided to go out and run a few errands. Put on a wash load. Came home to a flooded floor. Not as bad as in the past because most of it had already seeped into the basement. Onto the air hockey table. The laundry sink had become clogged by the mop (don't ask) and overflowed. Woo freakin' hoo.
4.Running late to pick Ms 8 and a friend up from school. Rush there to find said friend would not be coming over. Ms 8 wants to walk home and go to another friends house. I could have stayed at home
5. Mr 16 comes home with a friend unannounced. Asks if Adam can stay for dinner and then go to Venturers. The house was a mess. I didn't have enough food for dinner and he's asking me while his friend is there? This one pissed me off no end. Use the freakin' cell phone we pay for monthly, call me and ask. Give me some notice. Then I don't mind.
6. Mr 14 was meant to go a grade 9 welcome dance. Even though it's Venturers night (which he elected to join) we were ok with him going. It's an important part of assimilating into high school. So we thought. His friends aren't going because it's meant to be lame. Ok. He wants to go the mall instead. No. You have another commitment that takes priority. Mr 14 proceeds to have hissy fit complete with tears... WTF?

So by the time I picked hubby up from the train station I was so ready for my daily Starbucks fix. I totally NEEDED it...lol. Sad but true. As an aside, while at Starbucks later that evening I worked out that we probably spend a full years membership at Starbucks each year. A premium gym membership. Sheesh!

I need to get a job. To fund the Starbucks habit and to get back to having a life where I just don't have to deal with the other crap because I'm not there. Actually I still have to deal with it but it's no longer the focus of my day. This insignificant crap is taking up a significant amount of my time. Yesterday it significantly annoyed me.

Today is a new day and even though the scale said 222.8 (up 1.4lbs) I'm not going to let it annoy me. I need a happy day. A day getting ready to see my buddy Meredith. I'm off to Detroit tomorrow for some retail therapy and catching up with good friends. I can't wait!

Interview Update

My interview went well today...I think. I suck at being able to successfully assess how I did. The position is for Manager of Customer Excellence. Basically the role is one that is aimed at keeping the customer experience forefront in the mind of all. Sounds logical but it is in fact very hard to do when faced with the challenges of the every day. It is a strategic role. I think I had enough experience in what she was looking for but having hired many people myself, it is hard as a candidate to know exactly what the hiring manager is looking for. That key word. Key phrase or concept.

I will be meeting with the previous incumbent of the role in the next few days and then we'll see where we go from there.

The money is right. The job sounds like it'll be both challenging and rewarding. The location is right. The people I've met have been amazing. The company values are reflective of my own. Now all I need is an offer. I think I could do some good here. I believe it'd be a good investment on their part.

Childhood Obesity

This is a sensitive subject for me but it's one I need to explore.

Ms 8 is obese. I have contributed to that by the choices I've made for her in the past. She is one of the fussiest eaters in the world and as a working Mom I chose not to address the issues when she was little. In part because I didn't have the energy and in part because I misguidedly did not want her to have long term food issues.

She has food issues. It is stopping her from doing things. She has wanted to join cubs for the longest time. I resisted because quite frankly it's time consuming. On top of all the other activities we have the kids in I did not want to become too closely immersed into the world of scouting. I do however believe the scouting organization is a good one and I think she would gain a lot. She would love the badge earning - it is so up her driven, achievement oriented alley. So I relented. We went to sign her up today and Dad, in all his wisdom, brings up the fact that at camps she will have to eat what's being given to her. Tonight at bedtime, she says she's not sure that she wants to join.

I am so freakin' frustrated. She would prefer to let something that she really wants fall by the wayside in order not to deal with food she doesn't like. I could scream!

I purchased a book on this ages ago but have yet to crack the binding... that changes tomorrow after my interview. I need to come up with a strategy to help her. She is heading so fast into the misery that was my own life that all the red lights are flashing. I need to find a way to help her without projecting my own past onto her. I need to find a way to make her comfortable to take the risks she needs to take to get the most out of life.

She is such a bright wonderful little girl. I don't want her eating choices to define her.

Weight Update

221.4lbs

Things definitely seem to be moving in the right direction. I'm trying not to get too excited because it's so disappointing when it bounces back up but I have to say, I am very very glad I have moved away from 225lbs...I seemed to be stuck at or above that for ages (just over 2 weeks but it seemed much longer...shaking head at self)

The timing is good though. I plan to go fall clothing shopping this weekend with my buddy Mer. I am so excited to be going to see her again. I look a little different now than when I saw her last at my three month appointment with Dr L.

Hopefully the shopping trip will be to get a work wardrobe as well... keep your fingers crossed, I have my interview tomorrow at 10am. I so hope this leads to an offer... this week would be nice.

Sometimes you just want to bitch slap them up the side of the head

I've mentioned it in passing before but with the antics of the last few weeks I think it rates a mention here. Obesity and/or surgery boards are a critical piece of the research and support puzzles.

They provide a place to ask the questions that will help you decide which path you want to take. They allow you to share your hopes and fears... and fear is a really big part of this for many people because you are making a choice to place your life in someone else's hands for those hours that you on the operating table. They act as a reality check once you start losing weight. Is this normal? Am I doing ok? I'm scared I'm failing. All these things are normal questions/ thoughts associated with post op life. Surgery boards give us access to a level of experience that is difficult to find elsewhere.

What irks me no end is when these boards, support or otherwise, turning into the personal pissing arenas for people that frequent those boards. I know that when you get a group of people together there is bound to be some friction. I know that some people like to make a sport of shooting down others. I know that some are overly sensitive. This is all "human" stuff and should come as no surprise if you deal with people at all on a semi regular basis. What I don't agree with is the mudslinging that takes place. The level of bullshit that's been evident on one of the very prominent boards that I frequent is just mind boggling. It's bad enough that these very experienced folks who have so much to share, and in most cases who do give freely of themselves, choose to fight among themselves. What is really worrisome is that new folks who are at the beginning of their journey and who have no idea what the heck is going on are going to form judgements about the usefulness of the board that may lead them away from some amazing experience and expertise.

Stop the Madness! Think back to what it was like when you were first starting out. Think back to the people who helped you along the way. Don't take that away from others. Don't turn the boards into personal battle zones. Battles will always needs to be fought and won... just do it out of the sight of those that these boards are designed to help.

I'll get off my soapbox. Please note this post is not aimed at any one person or group. It is simply stating what many of us are thinking... stop the idiocy and let's move on.

Compliments

I don't know what to do with them.

I can give them and mean it. In fact it comes quite naturally since I tend to notice things. But have someone pay me one and it totally unbalances me.

Today I took Ms 8 to school and decided to hang around till the bell rang. From the time I walked into the school to the time I left I had no fewer than 4 people comment on how I looked. Ms 8's grade 2 teacher came right out and said that I had lost a lot of weight. I told her 127lbs to date. I told her I felt great and wished her a good day. Three mom's, one who I know by sight only, also said something. I just thanked them and said nothing more.

Logically - I deserve the compliments. I DO look so much better than I did before. But on some deep sad level I am so not comfortable with them. I didn't even realize how uncomfortable I was until I caught myself eating chips and chocolate for breakfast. Unplanned. Could the need to remain anonymous be so deeply ingrained that I would sabotage myself in reaction to a few compliments? This is scary stuff. This is the stuff that weight loss failures are made of. This is the stuff that screwed up self esteem is made of.

I would put money on the fact that I am not the only one that does this. Overweight people are typically not as self assured as they come across at times. Our fat and our 'persona' protect us from prying eyes... when the fat goes the 'persona' doesn't quite fit any more either. What is left is...well... us. We, I feel so much more vulnerable because what you are seeing is "me" and I'm obviously not to comfortable that "me" will stand up to expectations.

Heady stuff first thing on a Monday morning. My learning is that I obviously need to be on guard not to react in a self defeating way to the compliments. I need to hear them and accept them for what they are.

Todays weight: 222.6lbs

Weight Update

223.4lbs. Ok... this I like. I am so ready to get out of the 220's!

Job Update

As you may recall I called the company I had been interviewing with to check in ie to see if I could find out what the heck was going on. I left a message with HR on Thursday morning... and I didn't hear back until yesterday.

The following is the response I got in an email...

Hi Ann

Thank you for your voicemail message yesterday. Sherry will be contacting you shortly, if she has not done so already.

Thanks for keeping in contact with us.


Huh? Is this a dear Ann letter? I asked several people I know and the vote was split. Some saw it as hopeful, others saw it as a lead in to the thanks but no thanks.

Actually they were all right. Late yesterday afternoon I got a call from Sherry, who happens to be the last person I interviewed with, to tell me that they had decided to go with someone else for the training managers job. She was blown away by me and my resume however and would like to explore whether I'd be interested in another position she is recruiting for.

Oh? The new position is much more strategic in nature (my preferred modus of operation), is cross site in terms of responsibility (regular trips to Boston), will allow me influence across all departments in the business and here's the kicker - no direct reports for now. I'm so ok with that. My last lot were largely wonderful but I had a couple of problem children that drained the crap out of me.

The beauty of this position is that it calls on a lot of what I have done in the past but it also formalizes a move into operations management if that is what I would like to do when I grow up.

I will meet with Sherry again on Wednesday or Thursday to explore this further. We have both determined that there is a organizational fit - she just wants to ensure that there is a job fit that will keep me challenged. I'm rather excited...this company has obviously seen something they like. How cool is that?

Weight Update

225lbs. Alrighty then...could this be real?

This is after a day of eating like crap. Planned mind you, but crap non the less. I think Sept 7th will go down in history as my first true carb day. We're talking bear paws for breakfast, chocolate for snack, chocolate chiller from Second Cup (can you see a recurring theme here?). I did throw in some protein at lunch and dinner just because I was missing it but it was carbs that I was craving.

I had planned to go with a day like this to try and mix things up. One day and then back to a protein filled day. I want to play around a bit with my food choices just to better understand the impact. I fully expected to pay heavily for my choices of yesterday but for some reason I didn't...I don't understand that at all. By my calculations I should have spent hours in the washroom both yesterday and this morning. Nothing above normal. Oh well... the scale moved down somewhat so I'll take it for now. Let's just hope that it's a permanent move down. I am so over being this weight...time to move on.

Well that would explain it

Seems like I'm not totally wacky after all. The mood of a few days ago combined with the urge to eat everything in sight was directly related to my monthly cycle. The reason I didn't recognize it is because I am on the pill and this is the middle of a pack... I should not be menstruating now. This always freaks me out because it causes me to question whether I am indeed protected as well as I should be.

To that end I will be getting an IUD insetred next month. I have the thing (the box is the size of a bike... that goes in where????) but I still want to do some research in terms of the possible impact on weight loss. The upside will be very light to non existent periods (which is good for iron loss) and no concerns about breakthrough bleeding leaving me vulnerable to a pregnancy.

For all of you who are researching your weight loss surgery options, make sure you ask your doctors about birth control. It is not recommended that you have a child in the first two years after surgery.

In a better frame of mind

Looks like my mood and my weight loss pattern perfectly match... roller coaster for both!

Seriously though - I am feeling better today. I think my biggest problem is that I simply wasn't taking control. I was letting things just happen and although I am far from a control freak, I definitely feel the need to have a say. To get things done.

So today finally got my blood work done. My biggest problem is going for twelve hours without eating. It is almost impossible for me to do. I tend to eat a protein rich snack before bed (anytime up to midnight) and then eat again anytime between 6 and 10am) Going from 8.30pm to 8.30am nearly killed me but it's done. I'm hoping that the iron supplements I've been taking for three months have helped. I was anemic.

Got my hair cut. Coloured it. Looking better and ready in case I get an interview or better still a job offer call.

Placed a call to HR in the company I was interviewing with. Hopefully that will result in a return call. I want the job but if I don't get it I want to know that the option is no longer there.

Now I'm sitting here getting ready to call some executive headhunters. Time to reach out for some help.

I feel better. I feel more in control.

Weight today: 226.4lbs.

Stupid Mutt!

Funny how your go from furry baby to stupid mutt when there is $259 involved. We have antibiotics for the infection. Cough medicine for the hacking. Eye cream for the green gunkiness. Antibiotic cream for her belly which she licks until it is red raw. Throw in a heart worm test and medication and we're all set.

Combined with the $300 + for boarding, her vacation is starting to approach the cost of ours. Grrr.... lol

Hopefully she'll feel better though. I have to say it's no fun watching an animal suffer. Stupid mutt. Good thing she's so cute else she'd be someone else's problem right now ;)

Out of Sorts

I'm having one of those out of sorts, can't get it together, nothing feels quite right kind of days. Melancholy probably describes it best. Why? I'm not quite sure but I have a couple of non connected thoughts floating around in this under taxed mind of mine that I thought I would explore.

Yesterday was the first day back at school for the kids and first day back at work for hubby after our two week vacation. Each came home with stories of their day. Ms 8 was hilarious. As she walked through the door I got a sentence of no less than ten observations strung together with the almighty "and". Mr 14 seems to have enjoyed his first day of high school. He is a social creature and thankfully has a friend in each of his four classes this semester. This will help him to settle in well. Hubby was full of news and plans. Me... well, I returned the two DVD players and I got stuck in traffic, and I found some Webkins charms for my friend Meredith (this was actually fun... thrill of the hunt and all that). But I had no one to talk to about my vacation. There was no long chats catching up on what had happened in the office while I was gone. There was no sense of someone being pleased to see me. Does that make sense? I truly miss the social aspect of work. Despite the fact that I spent upwards of 6 hours a day on conference calls on some days, there was always someone to share a smile with. Or someone to say hello to when I needed to stretch my legs. I miss that. Terribly. I miss my colleagues. Patsy, Sandi, Lee, Kathy, Greg, Karri, Juliet, Jean, June, Juanita...plus countless more. I miss them all.

I am waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for nearly three weeks ago. At the final interview I knew it would be about 2 weeks before they would have the chance to come together as a team to discuss the outcome of the interviews. But the longer it goes the more fearful I become. It's an uneasiness that is invading my daily life. I'm finding it hard not to think about it. It is keeping me up...even with so little sleep last night I can not "switch it off" today to nap. I am starting to doubt myself and my ability to get a job. This frightens me terribly. The severance package is finite. At some point I need to work whether I want to or not. And I do want to. More than I could have possibly known without going through this experience.

I am finding it hard to think 'future'. To make commitments. My kids are all signed up for their roster of activities. Mr 16 will hopefully soon be gainfully employed. Hubby is hiring. His position is being upgraded. There are plans for his future that are a direct result of the contributions he's been able to make (I am so proud of him). I don't know what I'm doing next so find it hard to commit to stuff now. I feel like I'm in limbo which is adding to this spreading melancholy.

Limbo also describes how I feel about where I am at with my weight loss I guess. It is not as pervasive a dissatisfier as some of the other things I've mentioned but I'm not happy with this slow down. How much of it is normal and how much of it is directly related to what I'm doing? I don't know. I have not been great with the carbs so that certainly may be a contributing factor. I've cut most out as of today so we'll see if that does the trick to get things chugging along at a slightly more acceptable pace. This could, however, just be a genuine slow down. My body taking a time out from the weight loss before moving on to hopefully more loss. It's hard to tell. Each day into the journey is uncharted territory. I have never been 9 months 5 days post op before so it's continuously new... I'm still learning.

So there ya have it. Good thing I can eat copious amounts of cheese with this whine... cheese is my friend.

I need to find a way to grab hold of my apathy and move on... if anyone out there has any suggestions all would be welcome.

My baby is sick...

Not my birth baby...my furry baby.















I've never had to deal with this before so it's been a rough experience. The nice vet we spoke with at 1.30am last night seemed to think that Angel has picked up Kennel cough during her stay at the kennel. You should have heard the poor little thing... it's a real hacking cough that ends up with a dry (thank goodness) retch. It's worse at night apparently which would explain how bad she was last night.

An emergency run to a 24 hour pharmacy to get some Benylin, which the dog did not at all seem to appreciate, and I managed to eke a few hours sleep out of the night.

So this morning I am extremely tired and to top it all off the scale says 227lbs. Crap. Going backwards pisses me off and I'm definitely going backwards. Sigh. Time to get Ms 8 off to school and then I'm going back to bed. My first commitment is not until the 1pm vet appointment so I think it'll be time well spent.

Vacation Picture

This is Mr 16. I so rarely see a good photo of him that I couldn't resist adding this one in. This is right out front of the cottage that we rented.

Hear that?

It's all quiet. Hubby has taken the kids to see the Hamilton/Toronto football game today and I'm all alone. It's blissfully quiet. Noone is calling me. I can't hear any stupid gibberish being spoken (new sport for teenagers). Nothing. Aaaahhhhhh...

I think hubby was put out that I didn't want to come but the bottom line is that I don't enjoy the game. I grew up with Aussie Rules Football... where men where no padding and play hard all game. The game is continuous. This stop start stuff of American football just doesn't do it for me. Granted I really don't understand the game and maybe if I did I'd have a greater appreciation of it but as it stands now, I don't really enjoy it. The thought of watching a game I don't enjoy while sitting on a hard bench for three hours... well... it's ok to be selfish every now and then...right?

Weight today: 225.8lbs. Sigh.

What I Know for Sure

To borrow a catch phrase from Oprah, a woman I admire on many levels, this post is about my learnings over the last nine months. No one undertakes this sort of journey without learning something along the way. Some of the learnings are sought. Some hit you between the eyes when you least expect it. Some just down right suck. But all are part of the amazing journey that has been my weight loss surgery story to date.

What I know for sure:

1. WLS is not the easy way out. It does not allow you to abdicate responsibility for your health. Weight loss does not happen without serious effort on your part. Health does not happen at all if you do not pay attention to the "rules" of your surgery. WLS is hard work. There is not getting off the wagon and putting your head in the sand. The wagon is always with you. As one who likes the feeling of the occasional head in sand session as a method to avoid life's' sucky moments this was a tough one for me. I actually have to deal with stuff rather than eat my way through said stuff. Who would have thunk it?

2. I am stronger than I knew. I have survived many sucky moments in the past nine months without resorting to food. And I am ok. Hmmm...

3. WLS operates on your digestive system not your head. Your head is much more the enemy than any other part of your body. WLS allows you the time to deal with your head without the "all or nothing" approach that many of us super obese people employ.

4. The head stuff is hard and ongoing. I am very prone to head stuff. Comes with the territory of being a 'thinker'.

5. Not everyone is interested in how well you're doing. It's important to learn to celebrate the milestones along the way without relying on others for confirmation that you're doing ok. When the journey is long (I started with 190lbs to lose) this is especially important. Every pound is important to you, but not many others give a crap. And that's ok.

6. It's important to capture your journey as it happens. It is really easy to forget the starting point. Monthly photo comparisons have allowed me to see real progress. Every now and then I will just post my starting point and my latest pictures... the comparisons can be truly mind blowing. It's a great way to see that you are making progress even though the scale is not playing nice. It's a real visual of how far you've already come.

7. You have to laugh at yourself. Often. For me my potty journey has been well documented. I have shared all as part of the complete journey. When you're running to the potty with your cheeks tightly clenched in the hope of making it before embarrassing yourself you have to laugh. This is not an all the time thing. It is not even a "normal" thing for all DSers. It's an occassional "me" thing. But it's something that could destroy your confidence if you allowed it to. I choose to laugh. And work on those kegels for all it's worth!

8. Success is relative. You choose how successful you are. You also choose how your measure success. It's not all about the pounds. Some of my fellow DSers have lost much more than me in similar time frames. They follow all the rules. They exercise. I do not. I eat all my protein. I take all my supplements. I drink all my fluids. Beyond that my diet is normal. I eat ice cream. I eat chocolate. I eat chips. All in small amounts but I eat them. For me success is seeing the pounds come off (this is important to me) but it's also about feeling like I'm not on a diet. Dieting has never worked for me. So I deny myself nothing after I determine that it's something that I really want.

9. Remembering 8 is tough. As my desperate posts about the scale not moving fast enough attest to.

10. You have to do your research before you start this journey. Know what you're getting yourself into and make a commitment to follow the rules. For those that choose the Duodenal Switch the rules are all about supplements, protein and water. None of these are optional. Not to follow these three rules could kill you.

There was much more floating around in my head but as the day edges towards midnight I'm finding it harder to pull it all out of my befuddled brain. My last what I know for sure is simply

11. I am so glad that I had this life saving surgery. I feel better. I look better. I have learned so much about myself. I have met some wonderful people along the way that have made this journey so much richer than had I tried to go it alone. Thank you all for being part of this experience.

Month 9 Photo Comparison

What a difference 9 months make!

Pre surgery weight : 350lbs
Current weight: 225.6lbs
Total weight loss: 124.6lbs
Month 9 weight loss: 6.2lbs

We're Home

Well that was quite the week... it was odd not to capture the events as they occurred so this is going to be a long rambling post I'm sure.

The Thursday before we left was horribly traumatic. It deeply affected Ms 8. She made dad a card and had us all sign it. At 6am on Friday morning, as I was getting ready to head out she convinced Dad to come with us. He just couldn't stand to see her so upset. He really is a softy deep down and despite some serious reservations we did a last minute pack for him and headed out. Without enough bedding or towels since I had counted on 4 people but with him... thank goodness for the heartbreaking power of 8 year olds.

The drive was uneventful. Well, if you ignore me nearly nodding off at the wheel after 3 hours restless sleep before heading out. Our first stop Geauga Lake. This amusement park is also owned by Cedar Faire so our seasons passes got us in for free. About 4 hours into our stay it started to rain. No, it poured. Ms 8 and I gave up on trying to stay dry. We splashed our way to the entrance, ensuring we hit every pond that had formed along the way happily splashing each other. We were drenched. Think wet t-shirt contest drenched. Think squelchy underwear drenched. Think happy. It was a lot of fun and a great way to release some of the pent up stress. Maybe mother nature does know what she's doing.

Sunday we spent at Geuaga Lake riding coasters and then enjoying their great water park. I felt like I was on vacation. As I lay in the sun pretending to keep half an eye on Ms 8 I realized that noone was looking at me. I didn't stand out despite being in a bathing suit. I wasn't the fattest chick around. It was so cool... I was just a part of the crowd.

The cottage we rented in Marblehead was simply ideal. Nothing fancy but right on the lake with a private beach and absent neighbours. Who could ask for more? Monday was spent hanging around relaxing and Tuesday we headed out to Cedar Point. The boys did all 17 roller coasters and survived to tell the story. I hung out with Ms 8 for the day with the plan of riding coaster on Thursday when we went back for day 2.

And ride I did. Thursday was my 9 month surgeriversary. 9 months since I started an amazing journey. To celebrate I rode on a coaster the took you 412ft straight up into the air and then cork screwed you down. You reached 120miles per hour in 3.8 seconds. The ride was less than 30 seconds long. It was the most exhilarating rush around. One for the speed and secondly because I fit. With room to spare. What a way to celebrate 9 months!. In 9 months, the time it takes to bring life into this world, I have been reborn. I felt, I feel amazing.

Sadly hubby did not have the same experience. For the first time in his life he experienced not being able to do a ride because of his weight. He didn't fit into 3 coasters. He didn't say much but I can imagine, no, I know what that feels like. Too many times in the last 10 years I have missed out because of my weight. My heart broke for him. I asked him if we could go back together for our 10th wedding anniversary next year. I want to do these rides with him.

In terms of my photo update I will do it tomorrow. This morning was insane just trying to get organized. Pick up the dog from the kennel (I so so missed the silly mutt), shopping, laundry etc. So tomorrow morning Ms 8 will take the photos and I will officially weigh in.