Weight Update

This morning, after four days away, my weight was... drum roll please... 221.6lbs. Still not back to my lowest weight but 5lbs less than I was 6 days ago. I'll take it.

I'm not going to get too excited yet but early indications are that I may have been right on the money about the IUD. A couple more weeks should tell me more.

The trip, from a food perspective, was quite a good one. I must say though that I surprised myself by the sheer volume of food I can now eat in one sitting. One night I had steak, a whole serving, plus mashed potatoes. Another I had a chunk of veal plus appetisers. Another steak again (trying to get my iron in check) with potatoes. Solid serving sizes and while I was full I didn't ever feel stuffed. And still I lost weight. Man, this DS is an amazing tool.

Back to Basics

The IUD is gone. What an anti climax that was. I was expecting the same sort of excruciating pain as when the stupid thing went in... nothing. I am now free of the Mirena. Once the hormones are out of my body I am expecting that the weight loss will kick in again.

This mornings weight was 226.6lbs. Not impressed but it is what it is, and for me it is my newest starting point. I am hoping that it's all down fill from here... well, at least for another 70lbs or so.

I am having a high protein day today and loving it. I feel better. The sugar tastes amazing but it doesn't feel nearly as good. I need to bottle this feeling and remember it for those mid afternoon periods when I go in search of something sweet.

I'm traveling for the next week so I am going to try very hard to stay very low carb. It is totally doable and being so busy actually should make it easier.

Time to start working this tool that OHIP so generously paid for and that the miraculous Dr L crafted.

STOMP

What an amazing show. Funny, smart, uplifting. Who would have thought that garbage cans, brooms, rubber tubes and a stack load of talent would be so much fun.

Last night, as a result of a very last minute decision, we took in the show STOMP in Buffalo. Hubby had heard of it and though it definitely wasn't on his list of "must sees" he thoroughly enjoyed the experience. We all did. Ms 8 was fascinated by the whole thing. It was so much fun seeing her laugh at the slap stick humour while hubby and I got a giggle out of it's more adult sub context.

After the show we headed out to the Anchor Bar - home of the Bufflo wing. We got a bucket load (plus 20) to go and headed back to the hotel for a late dinner, a soak in the hot tub and a piece of Godiva cheesecake for desert. Life is pretty grand.

The cheesecake deserves a paragraph all by itself. The scene - the Cheesecake factory. The cast - a 7 inch anniversary Godiva chocolate cheesecake. The price- $25. The taste - priceless. A little piece of heaven found it's way into that recipe. If you have any appreciation for good chocolate and you happen to be near a Cheesecake factory I would highly recommend it. It;s hard to describe the smooth, rich, velvety taste... ok, yes I am salivating!

All up it was a great weekend... a much needed rest. I am ready for what is shaping up to be another crazy busy week.

Going Shopping

It's a long weekend. In all it's wisdom the Ontario government decided to create a new stat holiday in February, Family Day, to break up this most miserable of months in a northern climate. So we have a long weekend.

On the one hand I am really not liking it because I have so much work to do and this coming Monday was the first day in a long time that I don't have eight hours of meetings booked. On the other hand it's kinda nice to have the choice taken away from you. It is a holiday. I will be home.

So to further make it feel like a real get away we are going across the border for a few days. We need to remodel the bathroom (no we have not done it since the leak occurred in October) and we're going to look at fixtures. We're having trouble finding exactly the right thing - maybe we'll get lucky looking elsewhere. I also need a few more work clothes. As much as I hate to buy more clothes my current size, I don't have quite enough to get me through the winter. I gave away all my size 18 dress clothes which I was wearing every now and then so I really have no spares. Ms 8 also needs some more clothes. Nothing extravagant - we just need new a few things and may as well take the opportunity to turn it into a mini vacation. I wasn't too keen at first but the idea is definitely growing on me. At least when I'm away there is nothing I can do about all the stuff that needs to be done. It truly means I have no choice but to relax and that can't be all bad.

So we're all set to go. The bags are backed. My dear friend Laural is taking the dog for a few days meaning she will be well loved (I so hope she doesn't pee on your carpet this time pal). The kiddo is off at a cub event and as soon as she is done we'll hit the road. Just don't tell hubby that I'm going to sneak in my blackberry...

Speaking of my friend... she is on a first date as I type. With a doctor. I am so dying to hear how it went. She is a good person who deserves good things to come her way. I am hoping that Dr M is a true Dr Dreamy.

Four Months

It is hard to believe that I have been in my job for a whole four months. Only four months. In the last four months I have earned my salary many times over. The last two weeks have been nothing short of insane. I went from a team of 32 to a team of 64. The new team is an area that I have much to learn about. It is an area that has some superstars and some, well, problem children. The kind of shake your head, why are you here type of problem children. This is taking an inordinate amount of my time. Thank goodness my training managers are in a strong place. They have all stepped up and made my current learning possible. I am so thankful to them.

The company itself I love. I love everything about it. The craziness. The fun. The growing pains as we transition from being a capital venture company to being part of one of the largest companies in the world. The people are amazing. The environment is collaborative but demanding. I am learning. I am contributing. I am challenged. I go home knowing I've earned every penny they pay me. It's a good feeling. I had lost that sense in my previous job. I feel valued. That too is an amazing feeling.

Life is good. I have my hands more than full but for now that is ok.

Dirty Laundry, Teenagers and Saving Time

I have discovered a wicked new pleasure. It fills me with a sense of satisfaction that I have not felt in a long time. It has eased frustrations that have been building for years. I feel empowered.

Want to share in my secret? Want to feel the same? The answer is simple... when your teenagers finally throw 2 - 3 weeks of laundry into the laundry room to be washed, after repeated requests to do it daily, rather than wash it obediently (begrudgingly) check each piece and if it doesn't seem too dirty or too smelly simply put it back in their clean laundry basket. Oh my goodness the power!

I first heard about this trick from a book about terrible housewives... a tongue in cheek look at how to cut corners. It made me laugh then. It piqued my interest. But man, I had no idea how good it would feel.

Coming home to a mountain of washing when I had already done the laundry for the week has long been one of my pet peeves. Quite frankly it pisses me off no end. Why on earth do I have to pay for their laziness month in and month out? Well tonight, after a really insane week I decided that I wasn't going to do it. I simply don't have time. From the looks of it some of their clothes were in the wash simply because a) they had not bothered to put the last set of clean clothes away or b) they had hit the floor because they were wet from the walk home from school. Those went into the basket. Dirty clothes, all underwear and socks will be washed but the other stuff... well, not this time.

I feel like I've won a battle that has long plagued this nation. I have won a small battle against teenage laziness. I have cut my wash load by about half for today. I feel powerful.

Some would say this is sad. For those of you with slob like children you would know that this is fantastic... Grinning from ear to ear...

Weight Update

Todays weight - 221.4. As you can see I truly have not lost any weight. In fact I've gained a few pounds.

Next Thursday I have my appointment with the GYN and that IUD is so GONE. I don't know if this is the answer but I need to level the playing field. I can't assess whether this is truly a case of me screwing up, my DS "window" being closed or the IUD messing with the process. It's the one thing that's new so it's the thing that is going first.

From there we will reassess.

After the joy (not) of having the thing inserted I had planned to take the whole day off when it came out. The pain was miserable. But as luck would have it I am delivering business updates throughout the afternoon and night to our call centre staff. I'm seeing some pain killers in my immediate future... hopefully I can stay semi lucid.

So the 21st will be the day. I will do one more weight update on that day... no point until then. Then we'll go back to daily as my body rids itself of the hormones... it'll be just like a science experiment...

Enough Already!

For the record I have had enough. Of winter that is. Of snow. Holy crap we've had a lot of the white stuff this year. The snow piles at the bottom of the driveway are about 5ft (make that 6 now!) high right now. It just doesn't want to let up!

On the plus side - shoveling is so much easier now. I can shovel to my hearts content and not feel like said heart is about to give up and die. My back, herniated disk and all, is doing great. My legs hurt more than anything else. I am in awe. All of this is thanks to the duodenal switch. Without it there is no way that I can do what I have been doing.

So yes I have had enough. Yes I am tired of shoveling but heck... I CAN shovel... that's kinda cool.

The weary traveler returns

It's amazing how 1 day turns into 2 turns into 3 and all of a sudden you haven't written for 3 weeks. This is the longest time I haven't written and it's pretty much symptomatic of how I deal with life. When I am not in control I go into hiding.

Don't get me wrong - most parts of life are great.

My job is definitely keeping me on my toes. All day I make decisions that push our company in the direction that we need to go. All day I am responsible for the working lives of 63 people. My decisions have immediate impact which can be all reverberating. I make decisions about direction. About strategy. About people. It comes with a lot of responsibility which I take seriously. I have to.

At home I am the central cog. I am the one the spins around so that the others around me spin. It is my responsibility, assumed or given, to ensure that my family is fed, that clothes are clean, that each person is where they need to be every day. Add that to the workload of my job and I pretty much make big, and small, decisions all day. There are real ramifications, big and small, if I screw up. I am ok with that.

But what I seem to have trouble with is making the decisions I need to make for myself. It is like I have nothing left to give. I do make the decision to take my supplements. The ramification of not taking them scares the crap out of me. That's where my diligence ends. I eat too many carbs. I drink too little water. I get too little sleep. I get too little exercise. I have not lost weight in four months... or is it five? I feel ok but I am stuck. I am disheartened beyond belief and yet I am not taking control... I need to have an area of my life where I do not have to have that level of control and this is the one area where I truly hurt noone but myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my decision making was that calculated and lucid, I don't think I've ever thought of it in that manner until now... reflecting on what can be driving this stupidity it's the only thing I can think of... I need to be allowed to be a little irresponsible.

Maybe that's what I need. I need to find something that I can let go of. Something that doesn't need me to 'drive' it. Something that will allow me to refocus and be a little selfish for me. My boss, or now peer, runs. She's dedicated and hardworking. She has a family. She travels as much as I do. But each day she gets up and runs. During this time she takes that time to centre herself and I think she benefits greatly from it. Not only does she look great but she has a peace within her that I seem to have lost. I will never run (and I mean never) but I obviously need to find something that will give me that sense of focus that doesn't result in resentment of needing to be in control.

I'm babbling. I am really trying to 'type' my way through what is a really confusing time in my weight loss journey. I'm not sure if it is still a journey or whether I have truly come to an end... in which case the posts that follow will need to be about redefining who and what I am beyond someone who blogs about her weight loss surgery.

From somewhere, and right now I have no idea where, I have to find the inner strength to take control. I don't know whether I can... or whether I want to. The latter is my worse fear. Lack of ability is one thing, lack of will is a character flaw in my eyes. It scares me more.