Stuck in Boston

I just had one of the most difficult calls that I've ever had to deal with. Ms. 8 on the phone just devastated that I would not be coming home tonight. She was truly inconsolable. It was heart wrenching. I felt so incredibly helpless.

Stupid weather. Stupid canceled flights. Stupid me for wanting to do the right thing by my team. Well, maybe not stupid me. It was the right thing to do but at that moment I didn't feel too good about it.

Tomorrow is that last day of school before the Christmas break. She wanted to show me the float she had worked so hard to create. She was counting on me to drive her to school with all the stuff that she would need for her special celebratory day. She needed me there. And I'm not there.

I guess we can all remember a time when our parents let us down - this will be her first true memory. One that hurt enough to last. Sigh...

Bloated and dry

What is it about air travel that makes me so bloated. I swear my legs are seriously puffed up... after a 1.5 hour flight! Give me a break.

In a complete contradiction, while the inner part of me is clearly retaining water, the outer part of me is dry. My skin is incredibly flaky. My hair is brittle. I know that these are possible outcomes of the DS because of the lack of fat absorption but I'm thinking that there are some vitamin deficiency issues going on.

Time for a trip to get my labs done. I needed to see if my iron had improved anyway so may as well kill two birds with one stone.

So how's that for a pretty picture, bloated with dry scaly skin and thinning brittle hair... mmm...turn you on babe? NOT!

And we wait...

For 30cm or 12 inches of snow.

It's funny - people always think of Canada as the great white north. A snowy place with igloo lined streets. The reality is that our fiercest storms come not from the North but from our friends to the south...this one direct from the Midwest. We happen to live right on Lake Ontario in a location that always sees additional lake effect snow.

I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. I love it when it snows - it is so incredibly beautiful. We are all set. We have food in the house. We have movies picked out. We have two extra shovels in the garage. The only reason I have to go out is to get Mr 16 to work. If the weather forecast is right that may just not happen on time... we'll see. I'll give it my best shot but if the plow comes through during the night we may have as much as 2 feet of snow at the bottom of the driveway. At the bottom of the ski slope we call a driveway. I tell ya, it makes for some interesting snow shoveling experiences. With my lack of natural padding this year I am tempted to tie a pillow to my butt... I'm thinking it's going to hurt more when I fall this year. And I will.

So we wait...

Myers Briggs Type and Life

Over the years I have taken then MBTI several times - at the dawn of my career, several years in and now again.

Over time I have changed...

First I was an ENTJ.

Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long-term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas.

Then I was an ENTP:

Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.

And now I am an INTP:

Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.

Of these descriptions it is the current one that I identify with least. This got me to thinking... cause you know it's something that I like to do. I think that my current life situation had a huge influence in how I answered the questions. My work life is busy. I spend all day talking or listening. I am more often than not in back to back meetings to the point where lunch and washroom breaks have become distant memories. At home we're dealing with crap. So I re energize by withdrawing. I value peace and quiet like I have never before. I am so busy that making small talk is just a luxury that I don't have time for. It is reflective of the "I". I have never been a strong "E" but the E is more like me than not I believe. If you ask others, I would be seen as an E.

Next week I will be working with my Boston and Chelmsford teams on a team building exercise using the MBTI as a basis. I'm really looking forward to it as it's a great way to better understand how we can optimally work together.

Life

It's hard to believe that it's been a week since posting... life just seems to have a habit of getting in the way.

Right now I am not enjoying life much. I stupidly gave Mr 16. some leeway so he could do some Christmas shopping before work. I got a call from Wallie world to say that he hadn't clocked in. He was half an hour late. He got there for 7pm. School finishes at 2.50pm. His shift started at 6.30pm. Lots of math there.

I am so frickin' stupid at times. My stupidity and his idiocy is going to land him back at his Mom's. We have already spoken to her. Tomorrow I will be speaking with his new school. This just blows me away. Not only are we breaking up our family but this could break us financially. If she decides to go for support. The fact that we didn't go after her for the past 2.5 years will be chalked up to our stupidity by the courts. Legally she has a case for support. Mr 16's actions will cost us all dearly. I feel numb.

The biggest cost is the relationship between hubby and his son. This is the man that cried when his ex withheld visitation if she was pissed at him. This is the man who spent every waking moment planning the weekend visits so that the boys had special experiences. This is the man who in no uncertain terms let me know that his sons would come before me. He was passionate about them. I respected that. This is the man that can now walk away. It is heartbreaking to watch. It is hurting him. In his mind he is trying to do what he believes is right for Mr 16. To give him a fighting chance to make a good life for himself. In reality he is hurting himself. I hate this.

So needless to say I haven't felt like blogging much. My weight is stuck stuck stuck. I am disheartened and discouraged.

The one shining light is work. It is something I can feel good about. I am doing good things.

Size 14... my butt fits into a size 14? Wow!

I have not lost any weight in 2 months but I seem to have lost size. I was digging around for a new pair of jeans I had bought a few weeks ago (can't for the life of me find them) so instead decided to try on the size 14's I had purchased from Costco. I held them up against myself and decided there was no way it would work so I went back to looking for my other jeans. Still no luck so for a hoot, while trying to figure out what the heck I was going to wear, I slipped them on.

OMG. No tugging on the legs. They slid over my hips. I can do them up. OMG. I am wearing a size 14!

What an incredible rush. I feel so, so empowered. Weird how a pair of jeans can do that. Did I mention that they are a size 14???

Cool... does this mean that a size 12 is possible? I mean I still have 60lbs to lose. Wow. This is so ....wow!

Paint Me Red

Well, just paint me red, put a stick up my ass and call me sucker.

I hate when I'm made to look like an idiot. I hate when people take advantage of my innate belief that there is good in every one. I hate it when I have to question my faith in human kind. And that's exactly what I had to do today thanks to Mr.16.

After the enlightening parent teacher interviews we started him down a path of recovery. Giving him every opportunity to dig himself out. It looked like he was doing it. I ran interference between him and his dad. Dad had lost the faith. Dad apparently was smarter than me.

Mr 16 did not hand in the work he supposedly did. Mr 16 did not go to most of the recovery sessions that his English teacher had set up at lunch time. He told us that he had. He lied. Again. He is behind in all aspects of English. He has done nothing to recover from the current 31% for physics. He doesn't care.

I don't know what irks me most. The fact that he thinks we're too stupid to figure out what is going on. The fact that he lies without a second thought. The fact that he is pissing away his future for no good reason. Or the fact that I gave him another chance and he slapped me up the side of the head. Hard. All of it pisses me off.

I have booked a session with a school counselor for tomorrow. Mr 16's mom is coming down for the meeting with us. I will be speaking with her about enrolling him in the high school near her for the next semester. Something is not working for him here. It's been two and a half brutal years and he is not making any attempt to improve things for himself. Maybe a school with less options and with a smaller population is the better choice for him. It sucks that we are seriously talking about breaking up the family unit to try and save his sorry ass. This pisses me off. I think I should change the title of my post... pissed off!

Cookies should be banned

Ok. So my excuse is that it's important, as the Director of Training, to participate in staff initiated team spirit events. Remind me next year that cookies exchanges should be by passed. Without a second thought. To participate is like putting a raw fresh steak in front of a dog that hasn't eaten for a month. The dog is not going to think twice about eating more than it's stomach can possibly hold. It is focusing on nothing but the taste. On the sensation of eating. Just call me dog.

On Friday the team had its first annual cookie exchange. It was a lot of fun. I have been eating cookies non stop since then. It's not even that I really want them. It's that they are there and mindlessly I stick one (two) in my mouth.

There's the issue I've been struggling with. Mindless eating. I do it to fulfill the hunger but I'm not really focusing on it. I am not really paying a huge amount of attention to the what.

In order to continue on my chosen journey with success I need to be mindful. Seems simple but the light bulb has just come on. I need to "think" about what is going into my mouth before I swallow it. Doh!

I am going to march downstairs and throw the rest of the cookies out. The family needs them as much as I do. Until I get my head around being more mindful I'm just going to have to remove the temptation. I will eat well when I have no options. I need to limit my options again and make eating well a habit before I reintroduce the other stuff. Year 2 is going to see me reach goal. I CAN do this. I can fore go cookies. I can focus on the right things. I HAVE. I CAN.

Year One in Photo's... Pre-Surgery to Today