Head up my ass?
Apparently I've had my head so far up my ass that I didn't even realize I had hurt someone I call a friend. I probably would not have known had I not forwarded an email that I received to people that I thought would enjoy the message. She responded. She let me know I had hurt her. I am thankful she did because at least it gave me the chance to apologize. For what it was worth.
But it's got me to thinking. And sorry if this comes out garbled... I only read the email about 30 minutes ago so it's all still very new. Anyway, it got me to thinking. How is it that some people can be so thoughtful and giving of themselves and others cannot. I obviously have limited capacity. I've posted about this before.
In many ways my reaction to dealing with life is more male than it is female. I retreat. I enter my cave and deal with those things that have to take immediate priority. I'm like a tree living through a brutal winter. I keep the roots nourished at the peril of the leaves and branches that make the tree the beautiful things that others admire. The tree that provides refuge to those looking for shade or nourishment.
And when I look back at my posts of the past year I've been dealing with a lot. Rightfully or wrongfully my way of dealing with my weight loss journey, my trials and tribulations of a growing family, of a job loss, of trying to find my way out of unemployment has been to close in. I don't have any more to give and that can make me a lousy friend. I don't purposely cut people off but I am less thoughtful than I could/should be.
Largely I am simply disorganized when I am like this. My mail ends up in piles until I deal with them. Monthly. Often late. My house is a pig sty. I am apathetic at best towards organizing this part of my life. It's almost like I'm resisting being the only one to do this. Just because I am at home. I do not want to be seen as "being at home". That is not my life choice even while I greatly admire those that have made that choice. It is not personal in relation to any person that I come into contact with. The thoughtlessness/ disorganization is across the board. I was reminded tonight that others do not know that. For them it is personal. For that I am truly sorry.
But it's got me to thinking. And sorry if this comes out garbled... I only read the email about 30 minutes ago so it's all still very new. Anyway, it got me to thinking. How is it that some people can be so thoughtful and giving of themselves and others cannot. I obviously have limited capacity. I've posted about this before.
In many ways my reaction to dealing with life is more male than it is female. I retreat. I enter my cave and deal with those things that have to take immediate priority. I'm like a tree living through a brutal winter. I keep the roots nourished at the peril of the leaves and branches that make the tree the beautiful things that others admire. The tree that provides refuge to those looking for shade or nourishment.
And when I look back at my posts of the past year I've been dealing with a lot. Rightfully or wrongfully my way of dealing with my weight loss journey, my trials and tribulations of a growing family, of a job loss, of trying to find my way out of unemployment has been to close in. I don't have any more to give and that can make me a lousy friend. I don't purposely cut people off but I am less thoughtful than I could/should be.
Largely I am simply disorganized when I am like this. My mail ends up in piles until I deal with them. Monthly. Often late. My house is a pig sty. I am apathetic at best towards organizing this part of my life. It's almost like I'm resisting being the only one to do this. Just because I am at home. I do not want to be seen as "being at home". That is not my life choice even while I greatly admire those that have made that choice. It is not personal in relation to any person that I come into contact with. The thoughtlessness/ disorganization is across the board. I was reminded tonight that others do not know that. For them it is personal. For that I am truly sorry.
posted by Aussieabroad at
9:28 PM
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