Bariatric Follow-Up Care

For those of us that choose to have surgery away from our home towns there is an added complexity that needs to be addressed before a surgeon makes that first incision. That complexity is the after care. Who is going to look after you from a medical perspective once you've gone through your surgery?

I made arrangement with my PCP for monthly follow-up sessions. She monitors basics like my blood pressure, my weight loss and my blood work. The blood work is probably the most important given the malabsorptive nature of the Duodenal Switch. She has become my greatest cheerleader and I am very confident in her ability to look out for my best interest.

As part of the care, you may recall from a post a few months ago, she referred me to a new Bariatric Clinic that was established here in Burlington. I continue to see her but she felt, and I agreed at the time, that having someone who specializes in the medicine of obesity on my team could only be a good thing.

I had my second meeting with Dr. W today. I walked away, as I did after my first meeting, very unsure as to where he, and his philosophies, fit into my future care.

The areas of concern

1. He is adamant about meal replacements. He would be happy to see one or two meals replaced by a typical meal replacement shake or bar. I told him that I still consume a whey protein shake daily. That seemed to placate him. I didn't tell him that it's not a replacement, it's in addition to my normal meals.

2. He talked about calories burned and the need to create a deficit between what we consume and what we burn. I found this section to be a little condescending. When I told him I understood he had me explain it to him. He either deals with idiots or the uninformed on a regular basis, or he has no idea how much knowledge the morbidly obese really have about their bodies. We have done it all, read it all, failed it all. Failure does not however equal ignorance or stupidity.

3. When we talked about the amount of calories I should be consuming I questioned the calories from the foods that are malabsorbed. For example. If I consume 100 calories worth of fat, right now, my body uses only 20 of those calories. Do I count the 100 or do I count the 20? (I don't count calories by the way, I'm just using this to illustrate a point) He didn't get it. He was very dismissive saying that has nothing to do with it. Ummm, I'm not a doctor but I beg to differ. Whether he's right or wrong, I clearly have some "faith" issues with him.

4. He wants to see me again in a month. Why? I truly don't know. He didn't seem to have a clear idea of why I was there this time around. I'm getting a sense that this is more about building a practice than it is about my care. Maybe I'm wrong but I'm intuitive and I have come to trust my intuition.

So all up, I'm still very unsure. Others have raved about him. I'm on the fence.

Now the upside - I have lost 13cm around my hips in 8 weeks. I was neglectful in taking measurements before I started so his measurements are useful. That's about it. Not sure if that's a great use of taxpayers dollars in terms of a visit.

Don't get me wrong - you have to have post surgery care. But... it needs to be relevant care...

Month 6 Photo Comparison

For dramatic effect on my 6 month surgiversary I've included only my pre surgery and current photo's. For anyone who is visiting for the first time you will find monthly photos in my archive folders.

Starting weight: 350lbs
Current weight: 245.8lbs

Weight lost: 104.2lbs

Who am I?

As I lay on the sofa this morning feeling self pity at levels above what my first cold since surgery would normally warrant I realized that this was not about the stuffed head or the perpetually runny nose. It wasn't even about the lack of sleep or the general feeling of "aarrggghhh".

I don't know who I am.

We define ourselves in so many ways. I am a mom. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I am a senior manager. Oh wait. No I'm not... I'm unemployed.

My world is out of balance and it's impacted my ability (or maybe will) to perform at the best that I can be. The mix of who I am, and the ratio of my time that I put into each of those rolest is being redefined. You would think that with this gift of time,that I would focus more on the roles that had taken a back seat to my role as an employee. But that's not the case. I am doing less. Not more, not equal, definitely less. And it doesn't feel good.

It's not like I'm relaxing. I always have stuff on my mind that takes away the ability to relax

- should find a job
- should clean my house
- should paint the bathroom
- should declutter and prepare for the lawn sale
- should get into an exercise routine
- should put a special effort into reconnecting with the people I care most about... some have really suffered as I've gone into my manlike cave
- should do some volunteer work
- should should should

Don't get me wrong... it's not like I've done nothing but I feel like I haven't done enough. I am wasting a good chunk of every day. I am wasting this opportunity that has been given to me. Why?

I don't know. Maybe fear? I've touched on this before. In the back of my mind I wonder if I am holding myself back so that when/if I have trouble finding a job I can protect myself? Maybe laziness? Yes I can be lazy but it doesn't feel like that. Maybe I enjoy being at home? The answer to that is no. I do not. I feel rudderless. I feel like I've lost my sense of direction. Working gave me the structure I needed to be a productive member of our society.

Maybe that's it. I need the pressure of deadlines to kick into gear. It was certainly true at work, and it was true when I was at school. I did my best work at the last minute. It was then that I could cut through the crap and produce a piece of work that had the markings of brilliance. Right now I have no real deadlines. Brilliance is long gone.

No matter what the reason, the reality is that I am feeling lost. I am just now starting to mourn what I have lost. Not just the job but the person I have lost over the years. I need to find her again. I liked her but she has long been locked away like an embarrassing cousin no body speaks about. I need to find me again. I need to find a way to reach out of this black hole of apathy to get my life back on track. I need to feel a sense of pride in what I have achieved. I don't need others to tell me that I've done good... I just need to feel it. Right now I do not.

So... time to move on from the analysis to the problem solving and then onto implementation. I need to approach this as a project. I need to be productive. I need to add value. I need to find me.

Cancer

Cancer - it's such a nasty, fear inducing, omnipotent word. One word. Many types of illnesses. It seems that cancer is the disease of our millennium. There are few of us that haven't been impacted by it. Personally. Mother, fathers, friends, co-workers. We all know someone who has had, who has beaten or who has lost their life to some form of cancer.

My Mum... two years into her battle with pancreatic cancer
My Dad... two years since his first battle with colon cancer. One year since they completely removed his rectum and part of his colon in a bid to extend his life.
Lynn Wease... a manager I very much admired at Citi who passed away after a brief but fierce battle with her illness
Vivien... her mother passed away last week
Hubby's grandmother... ongoing issues with skin cancer

It was Vivien's mothers passing that inspired me to do something.

A few weeks ago a very dear friend gave me a key chain... it was a thingamaboob It is beautiful and functional. She gave it to me to remind me, that as a woman, I have to stay vigilant about my breast health.

So today I purchased 20 thingamaboobs from the Canadian Cancer Society in Vivien's moms memory. Hubby will give some away at work. I will send the remainder, with a card, to some of the wonderful women in my life. I wish I could do more... as I started my list I realized there are so many people in my life that I would like to share this with.

If cancer has touched your life consider doing something similar. The more women that can be reached with a visual reminder of their breast health the greater the chance that you could save someones life. The funds raised goes towards cancer research. It's a win win all around.

Weight Update

Today: 246lbs. Total loss 104lbs.

Things are moving a little faster than last month. This month I've lost 11lbs versus the 8lbs of last. I'm thrilled.

Two more days until my final count for the month. I'm interested to see what the comparison photos look like this month. Judging by my clothes I've definitely lost some inches.

So a happy start to the non working week. Time to get moving...my goal is simply to be productive this week.

Tired

I could so use a nap. Hubby is napping on the sofa, Ms 7 is at a birthday party, the boys are at their mom's and what am I doing? Sitting at the computer...I need to get a life!

Actually it's life that's got me so tired. At the last minute we decided to go and watch the Hamilton Bulldogs (AHL) attempt to get into the finals last night. We invited one of Ms 7's friends and off we went. It was a great game. I am not a through and through hockey fan but I do enjoy a good game. Last nights game against the Chicago Wolves was everything you would have hoped for. The fact that the home team won was just a bonus.

After the game, and dropping of Mr 7, we headed out for a late Starbucks to give Ms 7 a chance to calm down.

So long story short. It was after 11 before we put Ms 7 to bed. I promptly fell asleep on the sofa while huby watch Apollo 13. It was about 2.30 when we finally went to bed. 3.30 when I got up to puke my guts out. WTF? I'm not a puker so this one threw me for a loop. 4.30 when Ms 7 came in because she'd had a nightmare and 6.30 when the dog started to whine to be let out. All in all, not enough sleep. And broken sleep at that.

Today it was out for breakfast (yuk), off to soccer practice, home for a quick shower and then out to lunch with Ms 7 before dropping her off at her friends house.

It's amazing how all these little things add up to result in days flying by, weeks finished before you realize it, and months never to be recaptured. No wonder I've not achieved what I wanted to since leaving work... life is just too busy. How on earth did we manage when I was working full time?

Oh well... time for a nap me thinks. I have 1hr 50 mins before needing to get the child.

Weight update: holding steady at 247lbs. My 6 month weigh in happens on Wednesday.

The perks of unemployment

Today I accompanied one of my children on my first class trip. I've known the boys for 10 years and in that time I have never had the opportunity to attend one of their school outings. Ms 7 is finishing 2nd grade, I've never been on a school outing with her. So today I went to the Toronto Zoo.

My first and foremost comment is... thank god I have lost 102lbs because without having done so it would have been the trip from hell. Did you know that school buses aren't air conditioned? It was a sultry 28 degrees Celsius... with a humidex much more in line with our summer days. It was hot. The zoo is in a valley. Valleys have hills. Lots of them. Not only did I survive - I did so without breaking out a huge sweat and...drum roll... without losing my breath. This is a huge accomplishment in it's own right. It was valuable today because I needed that breath to keep saying "come on girls, catch up"

I had a great group assigned to me - 3 other girls, all quiet and well behaved, and Ms 7. My only gripe is that a couple of them walked so, so slowly. When you're my height you have a fairly long natural gait but I had to slow it right down for the group. That was probably the most tiring part of the day.

All in all, a great experience and while I would prefer to be working I am very thankful for the opportunity to have spent the day with my pumpkin girl and some of her friends.















Ms 7 (in the white shorts) with her friends... ready to take on the world!

Someone pass me the sander...

We all have our dirty little secrets. The only thing is that mine are not so secret. They are right on the end of my legs and in the summer time tend to be out in the open. There's no hiding the fact that I have disgusting feet.

Think elephant had an affair with a crocodile with a dermatological problem type of feet. If you are laughing you probably don't understand the full extent of the problem. If your skin just crawled and your stomach turned, then you have displayed the appropriate level of revulsion.

If we ignore the fact that I am not a regular maintenance type of gal, I don't know what's up with my feet. They are disgusting year around. Dry as all heck, a dryness that has been greatly exacerbated since the DS surgery (Dr L warned me about dry skin). They crack (and hurt), the peel, they look the feet of, well, a elephant/crocodile off spring...

I can't bear to have anyone touch my feet. No loving stroking of the feet as part of foreplay for this woman. Touch my feet and that's as far as it's likely to go. If I'm turned off by my own feet there is no way on earth that I'm going to be able to accept that it doesn't totally gross you out honey. Even when thinking with the little head, it can't be good...

So my goal (and I've just realized I need to start setting myself little goals) is to do some major renovation work on these puppies. Effective this morning I will sand/chisel/ strip with solvent the crap off my feet until I have smooth to the touch tootsies. I figure it's going to take at least a month to undo the major damage.

Now Laural - no peeking when we next meet for a coffee...

Obesity is a medical condition

That's what I want some medical guru to come out and say. Say it loud and clear. Say it so that the ignorant, the uninformed and the misinformed can truly get it. Maybe then we can look for treatments that make sense without bias, discrimination or profit as the underlying themes.

An article in the Globe and Mail this morning about treating obesity at work caught my attention. Although I have some very serious questions about the suggested treadmill workstations, what annoyed me more were the comments. These comments are typical of many that you see in reaction to any article about obesity or obesity treatments such as weight loss surgery. The level of disdain for the plight of the obese is mind boggling. The level of loathing towards the "self inflicted" pain of the obese is so out there, no one even tries to hide it in the normal Canadian politically correct way. We are the land of the polite and tolerant until we talk about fat.

What is it about obesity that people find so repugnant? Sure we don't look sleek or streamlined but are we hideous? I think not. I've seen worse. Is obesity a transferable illness or state of being? No. Is it that people assume (as we all know the saying about assume and asses) that obesity is a character flaw and therefore not worthy of their time or attention. I think I'm getting closer. Is it that people are so afraid of it, because they "know" that they are only a few pizza's or buckets of KFC away from going down that slippery fat slope themselves?

Beliefs about obesity are so ingrained and usually based on incorrect information or assumptions. We really need the medical community to make the link... it is a disease not a lifestyle choice in many cases. Let's make it definitive. Let's move on from the judgments to the solutions. Solutions based in medical know-how not based in profit racketeering "innovative" solutions such as treadmill desks.

Life just happens

Today was one of those days. You know the type... when you wish you could start over? Well, I got over my potty issues quickly enough, was having a great session pulling my resume together when I got the call. The school called. Mr 13 is hurt... again.

This time he was screwing around in gym with one of his much larger buddies who picked him up and tried to throw him onto the gym mat. He missed. Mr 13 hit the ground head first and bounced.

Three hours at the hospital, five throw ups, one major goose egg and one cat scan later we know that he is not bleeding but he does have a concussion. I have to wake him hourly today, every two hours tonight to make sure he's okay. This should be fun, assessing his coherence when I will in all likelihood be very incoherent myself. Poor kid. He was so distraught. It's at times like this that you see them for the children they still are. They fight so hard to appear grown up but that is all gone in a heart beat when real fear sets in.

So my plans for tomorrow have also changed. I have rescheduled my meeting to be a phone one late in the day - I need to get my resume checked over so I can start applying for jobs. Having said that, today is one of those days that I was grateful I didn't have one... I was able to be here for him when he really needed it. Life just happens sometimes.

Suffering Today

I guess there was payback for my eating extravaganza... I have been on the loo since 5 am this morning. We're talking the "you need to go NOW" type of urgency. Consequently my plans for today have had to change.

I had a meeting scheduled for 11am to go over my resume with the outplacement agency...that will now happen tomorrow at 10am. I suppose the upside is I get to play with it a little more, the downside is that it delays an application I want to make by a day. Oh well... not much I can do about this one right now. I tell ya, my interest in all things carbs is way down this morning... funny how that works.

My weight: 248.6lbs. Not bad given what I've been putting into my body. I am hoping to see a few more pounds come off this month. We'll see... it's very clear that this body has a mind of its own.

I ate what????

In a 24 hour period I ate a bag of Crispers (yes a whole bag), 3/4 of a cinnamon roll and about 1/4 large bag of potato chips. Holy crap. I had no idea I could eat that kind of volume... it was easy. I still ate my normal meals on top of that.

Normally I would be freaking out but for some reason I'm not. This is not my normal behaviour but I do see it about every 3 weeks. I'm starting to see a link to my out of control menstrual cycle. I should know in a day or two whether that is the culprit.

So what do I do? Well, I've just gone back to eating the high protein lower carb regime that has worked for me so far and I make a mental note not to be more conscious of what could be behind the desire to eat, and to eat so much. I'm not beating myself up. That kind of counter productive behaviour helped make me fat.

It's amazing how much easier it is to be pragmatic about weight loss oops's when you really don't have the option to fall off the wagon permanently. Today is a new day... well, it's a new day since I stopped putting crap in my mouth. All will be ok.

At it again

Our fun day of roller coaster riding came screaming to a halt when we got home and collected the mail. There it was. The brown envelope with the high school crest in the corner. Mid semester you just know it's not going to be good.

True to the unfortunate pattern that has developed since he started grade 9, Mr. 16 did not let us down. Two out of his four teachers sent home a "at risk report". History... the same old story. Not doing the work, current grade at below 50%, credit at risk. Civics... talked about not satisfactorily doing homework but focussed in the comments about not paying attention, not staying focussed ie basically screwing around.

When confronted on Friday the most amazing thing happened. He actually admitted he didn't understand civics. He has never struggled with his understanding of material before, he simply chose to do crap all about it. He sees this lack of understanding as such a personal failure that he can not bring himself to talk with his teacher about it. He was distraught. Actually seeing emotion on this kids face was a positive thing... he does feel. There is hope.

So this weekend he had to stay home rather than go to his Mom's to allow him to get ahead on the one project we do know about so that he can create some 'time' for catch up next week when we find out exactly what's missing. The year is finished in about 3 weeks from an assessment perspective. He has to pull his finger out of his ass if he is going to get through. He is resenting this the whole way. His Mom, although hating the fact that she won't get to see him, is being supportive. We had a good chat when I dropped Mr 13 off on Friday night.

What this has resulted in though is a miserable hubby. His weekend has been shot to all hell because of having to monitor and support Mr 16. It's a programming assignment. That is his forte not mine. I can't help.

Agghhh... you'd think that M 16 would get it by now. He's always going to get caught. It always causes misery all around. At some point I hope he stands up and becomes a man. Admits when he needs help. Does the work that is expected of him. Takes responsibility for his own learning and success. I am tired of this particularly roller coaster.

I rode a on roller coaster.

Actually I should probably say I RODE ON A ROLLER COASTER!

Yes it's that big. For years I didn't ride on coasters because MS 7 was just a babe but for the last 5 or so years I didn't ride because I was afraid I wouldn't fit. The last time I did ride one of the old wooden rickety ones that us roller coaster fans seems to gravitate towards I barely fit in the molded seat. It resulted in me "slipping" while on the ride which scared the crap out of me. Since then I only got bigger.

Well on Friday hubby played hooky for a day. We watched Mr 13 play in the school band at Canada's Wonderland and then we were off to ride the coasters. The first one, Tomb Raider, is a lie down one. You climb into a molded plastic "seat" it tips over and you ride face down. I fit. It was tight... hip to hip...but I fit. Comfortably.

It was such a thrill to be able to ride again. It was a nice way to prepare for our summer trip to Cedar Point because I now know that by then I will only be smaller. There will be nothing but my own fear that could possibly stop me from riding on some of their gravity defying rides (there are one of two at Cedar Point that I am not so sure about...lol).

So on Friday I discovered that I could fit. I fit in. I was part of the crowd rather than a super obese person trying to squeeze herself onto a ride. I fit.

Sometimes it's the little battles

Do you ever have one of those days that you just crave a certain type of food? The craving is so strong that it seems to permeate all your thoughts. You can taste it you want it so bad.

Today I would have killed for a Chocolate Chiller from Second Cup. They were always a treat but today I just wanted one. I even went as far as planning to have one...let's throw consequences to the wind. I went and ran my errand that took me past Second Cup and I kept on driving. I did not stop.

Instead I grabbed some chocolate sugar free popsicles from the grocery store. I was very pleasantly surprised as to how much they tasted like the chiller.

I am very proud of me. I made a wise choice where sometimes I wouldn't. Yay me.

Feeling Energized

Weight update: Still 249.4. Phew, it was real. It wasn't just the pastry induced runs that got me to the weight for a day. Lesson: pastry tastes wonderful, pastry doesn't feel good... don't eat pastry for a while.

This morning I met up with an MBA friend of mine for coffee. She was in town to meet with one of her field consultants and knowing that I wasn't working took the opportunity to reach out. Louisa and I have always got on well. We were on the same MBA team together - we were part of the revolution that resulted that team being torn apart and an all female team being formed for the first time in the history of the UofT MBA school. She was at my wedding, she was there shortly after Ms 7's birth. Our contact has been sporadic since we graduated in 1999 but she is one of those people that when you see each other again, it's like you saw each other only yesterday.

Our friendship is an easy one. I caught up with the lives of her children and she with mine. She told me a little about one of the challenges that she was facing at work - I was able to give her some ideas... yes I got to use my professional brain. It felt great.

I feel so energized. It made me realize what I was missing the last few weeks. Why I wasn't really enjoying this time off. I like the people contact. I love the challenge of solving a problem (and then letting others go implement). I love the connection. Important information as I go through my job search. Motivation to fire up my job search.

So as I sit here humming to myself... I feel good... life is looking pretty good right now.

To add to my almost sickly blissful state of mind, I just got a call from Laural who will be having her DS with Dr L. next month. She lives in the same town as me and I really enjoy chatting with her. We met for a coffee last week and she's a very easy person to sit and chat with. I am so excited for her at this part of her journey. I know where it's led me and I so want this for other people. It's a neat journey to take and whilst we each have very different experiences it really is an incredible opportunity to escape all that is morbid obesity. And the bonus - I'm meeting some really neat people along the way. "I feel good"

What does 100lbs really mean?

On the train ride into Toronto today I had lots of time to contemplate reaching the 100 lb milestone and it struck me that 100lbs is mainly significant because it's a nice big round number but it's significant too because of the impact it's had on my everyday life.

Take this weekend for example. On Saturday morning I dressed into my size 18 clothes (size has obviously changed) and headed off to Canada's Wonderland with the family. Not only have I shrunk but Wonderland seems to have as well. I wasn't tired, I didn't noticed the hills, I didn't spend a good chunk of my time thinking about going home... I just enjoyed it. Saturday afternoon was spent driving all over the city and surrounds looking for size 7 football cleats for Mr. 13. This was followed by a dinner out and then staying up until 12.30 to pick the boys up from seeing a movie. I was on the go all day. And lived to tell the story. Without major fatigue the next day. Wow.

The list of how my life has changed is long. Some of the things I'll note here will be insignificant/ alien to those that have never suffered a weight problem but they've had a real impact on me

1. I don't need my CPAP machine. Cured since the day of surgery
2. I can fit into booths no problems
3. I don't need to use the handicap bathrooms
4. I can sit on a plastic lawn chair without fear of breaking it. I have done so on many occasions
5. I can wipe like you're meant to... from front to back (please don't ask me to explain if you don't get this one)
6. I can stand in the shower and get wet all over without having my body take "shifts" under the water stream
7. I can fit into roller coasters for the first time in 10 years
8. I feel more confident
9. I have way more energy
10. I am a better advocate for myself... it's amazing what not being able to eat your frustration away will do to your voice...all of a sudden you have one
11. The seatbelt in the car is big... it doesn't cut into my neck anymore
12. I can walk up stairs without getting winded and without my knees hurting.
13. I can more easily snuggle with my husband... I love this
14. I can sit on the train and not be concerned about holding myself in so I don't spill over onto the person next to me
15. I have learned the art of "boob oragami". I can fold these girls into a bra and have them look mighty good
16. I can garden without stopping every hour. Unless that hour involves a fall and hospital trip.
17. I can do housework without issues. Now I just choose not to ;)
18. I have clothing options. Fashionable clothing. I am wearing GAP! This is significant to me cause it represents normalcy
19. I can 'squeeze' by people with minimal fear of hitting them.
20. I like me better. I am happier.

There are many more things - these just popped into my mind.

All up I am very glad I did this. I am thrilled about the 100lbs. To celebrate I decided I was going to give myself $100 to spend on me. I wanted a leather backpack style purse. I found one I loved. The cost... $14.99. So not only have I lost 100lbs, I just saved myself $85. Life is good.

Weight Update

Drum roll please... 249.2

It's happened... I've lost 100lbs! 100lbs... it's a little hard to believe.

It's hard to believe that I managed to get myself to the point where I was the weight I was.
It's hard to believe that in less than 6 months that weight has come off with relatively little effort on my part (if you don't count the 2 second dashes to the washroom!)
It's hard to believe that I have less to lose than I have already lost...

I am so excited to be at this point... and I'm really looking forward to what is yet to come.

Bounce bounce bounce

Weight: 251.8

I just knew that the scale would bounce back up... reaching that 100lbs is going to have to wait a few more days I think. Oh well... I have no doubt it will happen, it's just a matter of when.

Time to shift the focus - we're opening the pool tonight so I have a bunch of things to do to get ready... take the remainder of the water off the pool cover, buy the necessary supplies, start filling the pool under the cover etc. I am really excited. There is nothing like taking off the ugly black cover in the spring and exchanging it for a vista of blue. Yay!

I need to get a life

How many ways can one person find to waste time, or as it is commonly known... procrastinate. If there is an award out there, pass it to me!

I have discovered Webkins. I like to play one of the word games. I can play it for hours. This is not healthy. This is a website aimed at 8 year olds. I am a sad sad case! Some of the games that they have online for the kids are actually very similar to ones you would find on pogo... just aimed at a very different market. I am such a sucker for games like this and because I am going through a major procrastination phase it is so easy for me to waste time... a lot of time.

Oh well... on the upside I did pay for our vacation cottage in Ohio (Marblehead) today and I ordered our seasons passes for Canada's Wonderland which will also get us into Cedar Point. So I did accomplish a little. I really do need to get a life!

I finally lasted 12 hours

Who would have thought that not eating for 12 hours would be so difficult? For the past 6 weeks I have been wanting to have my blood work done but I wasn't able to do the 12 hour fast. I'd get to 10/11 o'clock at night and I'd be ready to eat my right arm I was so hungry. The thing with the DS is that I do need to eat regularly or else I feel positively sick. I didn't have an issue with this at the two month mark when I last had blood taken but it was a real struggle this month.

But it's done. A zillion (8) vials of blood were taken and are now on their way for analysis. To celebrate I took myself out for an Egg Benedict Omelet with hash browns. I ate only one quarter of the meal but every mouthful was nothing short of delightful. I read the paper, had coffee and more importantly had an hour to myself sans thinking about everything that makes up my life. Very pleasant.

Another very pleasant thing today was the surprise I got when I stood on the scale. 250.4lbs. I am .4 of a pound away from being able to say that I have lost 100lbs. That is very cool!

I went shopping today...and I enjoyed it????

Well - there's one for the books. I enjoyed shopping. For myself. This hasn't happened in a very long time.

Today a friend and I went across the border to Niagara Falls NY for the sole purpose of shopping. It was a whole new experience for me. Why? Well the first, and most exciting thing is that all the clothes that I purchased has a 1 as the first number in it's size. Yes, I am officially down to an 18! The pants are snug but not uncomfortable. The shirts look good. I look good. I feel great. I was doing the happy dance in the dressing room just because the person in the mirror looked "normal". You know the normal where you are no longer so big you see nothing but rolls, but not slim either. Normal. Like the bulk of the population. I am no longer in the outer section of the bell curve. That is so freakin' exciting!

Secondly, I wasn't tired at all. I shopped but never dropped. This from a health perspective is simply amazing. I am obviously feeling better. I am capable of doing more. My horizons have expanded so much since the beginning of my journey.

So for $US110 I got 2 pairs of capri pants, a button down shirt, 2 t-shirts from the Gap and 2 pairs of roll up Gap pants as well as 2 shirts, a skirt and a toy for my daughter. I declared everything at the border and wasn't pulled over. It's a happy day all around.

I'm just a grinning fool today.

Ok...that hurt

Let's set some context up front. I have been fat for a long time. I had mastered the art of a light step. I was graceful even with my most rotund girth.

It would seem that along with having lost weight I seem to have lost the art of grace. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with the weight loss, my MS playing up or whether I am having a particularly klutzy week but whatever the reason I am a hurting unit today.

On Saturday as I was walking from the side yard to the front to check on my daughter who was happily planning pansies in her little garden, my toe caught on a ridge. I proceeded to fall, in spectacular style according to my husband. It involved a roll into the garden bed but that was only after hitting the walkway with my left arm/elbow taking the brunt of the fall. Apparently my feet, which were pointing west, ended up pointing east so there was a roll involved. I don't recall the dynamics. All I know is that I am in considerable pain.

Two hours in emergency told me that my arm was not broken (yay!) but I think did some muscular damage. Certain movements are very painful, hubby is having to do up my bra for me because I simply cannot and the bruising that is starting to come out is pretty impressive.

The good news is that I had finished what I set out to do in the front yard so it's look very pretty and springlike. The bad news is that the back yard will have to continue looking like a dump for a while.

You have to shake your head and laugh - from a slapstick humour perspective it must have been pretty funny. My concern is that this is not the first fall this week. About a week ago I fell as I stepped up onto the deck (no damage except for pride) and then I nearly took a tumble coming down the stairs from the second floor. This is so not like me. Maybe something to mention to my PCP.

So there's the story. It's the reason I didn't get a chance to do my second check up on my friend Pam who got her long awaited RNY on Friday, it is the reason that my daughter and hubby couldn't follow through with their plans for my birthday (Sunday) and it's the reason that I am being very lazy today...well maybe not the only reason for the laziness but I'm going with that for now.

Another Day

I won't do too many of these menu type posts but right now I just need to "see" what I am eating in a day.

Weight: 253lbs

What I ate yesterday

Protein Shake
Insides of a McDonalds Chicken wrap snacker (yuk)
Cup of trail mix
1.5 large (size of a tennis ball) Dutch meatballs (yum)
Approx 2oz's BBQ chicken

OMG - no wonder I was hungry last night...that does not seem to be enough food!

Yesterday I did housework for much of the day (hasn't happened in a long long time) and simply did not think to eat. Yesterday was in fact just a really busy day. Note to self... eat more today!

Day three of getting back to basics

Weight 253.4lbs

What I ate yesterday

Protein Shake (23g protein)
Half bag of smoked turkey sausage tidbits (about 8 pieces - 16 g)
2 cheese sticks
cup of trail mix (walnuts, brazil nuts, peanuts, macadamia nuts, choc covered coffee beans)
2 small slices grilled chicken (maybe 3oz)
1/2 protein bar
About 2/3 cup beef stew, heavy on the beef
Sugar free mini chocolate Popsicle
Weider protein shake (canned)
1tbs peanut butter

Normally I would only have one protein shake but I was starving last night so it was a quick easy high protein snack. For the Canadians that read this blog - you can get Weiders at Shoppers Drugmart and it's actually quite tasty. Great for those times you know that it's going to be hard to eat well.

As you can see the carbs are way down...yesterday was a very low carb day. It won't always be that low - I'm trying to vary the amount each day.

I feel great - I don't miss the carbs and it's so heartening to see the scale moving in the right direction. back to basics seems to be working for me right now.

Outplacement Services

Today I went in for two sessions

1. Resume Writing

and

2. Career Assessment

The resume writing workshop was an interesting one. I learned something new which is always encouraging. Resumes have come a long way since I last actively used one and since then much research has gone into what works and what doesn't. Now that I've gone through the workshop I need to spend about 30 hours to pull all my points together. The hardest thing for me is going to be identifying my accomplishments. I always hated this at performance appraisal time and I hate it even more now. I find it so uncomfortable to do. Both the Australian and Canadian culture discourages self promotion - my American friends are much better (in a positive way) in being able to do this. So next week my entire focus will be on my resume. It takes 30 - 45 seconds for a recruiter to decide whether they'll take a more in depth look at you. You have that long to make enough of an impression.

The second workshop was right up my alley. It was all about identifying what you want to do. There are a number of assessment tools out there - Myer Briggs being one of the more common - but the outplacement company uses one called the Birkman Assessment

Basically the Birkman assessment is based on preferences and it identifies where you sit in terms of preferred management style, preferred activities, your needs and your stress reactions should those needs not be met. It then takes your personal profile and indicates what sort of roles other people with your preferences have. So in other words it gives you an indication as to what other types of jobs you may want to consider... with the basic premise being to find something that meets your needs, lowers your stress and incorporates activities you like to do. It's a way of identifying filters with which to sort through potential job opportunities.

I love this stuff. My aha was that on all elements the assessment seemed to nail me - down pat - except where it came to needs. But then as we talked and as I was able to identify very closely with my stress reactions, I realized that what was actually likely in play here was that I was not fully understanding my own needs. I thought I knew what I wanted/needed but in reality it may have been something else. That would potentially explain why certain elements of my last job were frustrating me.

The good news is that I seem to be ideally suited for the learning and performance/ training arena which is where I have worked the last 6 years. It's a start should I want to continue in that role. The other type of roles it showed as others with a similar profile as me included lawyers, teachers, professors, writers, editors, journalists, marketing, advertising... funny thing is that I have a marketing undergrad, both journalism and law were on my list of possibilities when I first finished high school, I want to be a teacher in my next life when I can afford the massive pay cut (I would love to work at the junior elementary level when you still have a chance to instill a lifelong love of learning) and writer... well I'm just a frustrated writer who now loves to blog. There were of course many other career groupings but it amazed me as to how many I had a connection with.

No surprise - I would not be happy in a clerical or mechanical role... it's just not in me to be precise and organized.

All in an interesting day. I learned some new things. Had a few aha moments and had a few laughs at my own expense. I'm looking forward to next steps.

Weight Update

This morning: 254.4lbs

For the past two days I've been focusing on my protein and lowering my carbs. On the surface it would seem that there is a real correlation to my weight loss... who would have thunk it that ALL those people were right... crap - you always hope that you're of the ones who are lucky enough not to have the rules apply to them. Well it would seem that I am not ;)

A fun comparison

Last month someone asked me if I still had the clothes I wore pre surgery to do a Weight Watchers style before and after photo. Although I'm far from "after" I thought I'd take a shot before I got rid of the skirt.

Month 5 Photo Comparison

So here we have Presurgey, Month 1, Month 3 and Month 5. In total I lost only 8lbs for month 5. It is a lot less than I had hoped for but then again I wasn't exactly a perfect little Dser either. Just goes to show that you DO have to take accountability for what goes into your mouth.

Total weight loss: 93lbs