Mish Mash Update...

With so much going on I've probably left more than a few loose threads so...

1. I did go aqua jogging and loved it. I was in the water for about 45 minutes which is a half decent workout

2. My weight has not shifted in 5 days, making it 2.2lbs for the last 10. If I'm right it should start to move next week. If I'm not then I'm going to be an unhappy camper. See how well I know myself ;)

3. My parents are doing well. Dad is nearly four months out from his last surgery and is recovering well. His diabetes needs to be watched but the cancer is at bay. Mum is also doing well. She's been on chemotherapy for about 18 months now and seems to be tolerating it well. In fact too well, if there can be such a thing. She is certainly beating the odds for pancreatic cancer. This week they put their house on the market and have purchased a new house in a retirement type village. Lots of activities, a yard for the dog and more importantly a house that each of them could manage should something happen to the other...and we know that will likely happen in the next 1 - 3 years

4. Mr 15 actually did really well on his first semester exams. He scored a 90 in his English final which should bring his grade up to the mid 50's. It's amazing what happens when you force him to study for two hours a day. Gee whiz - I wonder if there is a connection.

5. Mr 13 is having to select his path for high school. He has chosen to go academic but all indicators including his teachers advice is pointing him to an applied stream. I support that and will use the weekend to speak with him. I want him to succeed at whatever he chooses - the academic stream will not make that easy for him

6. DH and I are off to Buffalo for the weekend to see a Calgary Flames game. I'm really looking forward to the two of us spending some time together... it's been way too long. No kids for a 24 hour period. Woo freakin' hoo!

7. Work, well that almost needs a post by itself. It's been an interesting week. I'm glad it's the weekend

Time to feed the family...

Weight Update

Well things have certainly slowed down in the last week... 2.2lbs loss. Strangely enough, I'm ok with that. What I am noticing is that I seem to lose well for a couple of weeks and then my body goes into catch up mode for a few weeks. As long as the overall impact is to have the scale move down I think I can live with this pattern (I reserve the right to rant and rave at a future date when I am frustrated with the lack of progress)

I have been taking my supplements but have been struggling with both water and protein the last few days. This could also be a contributing factor to my slower loss. I am working from home today and will make a concerted effort on the water front. I feel like I'm not getting enough which is a real tell tale sign for me.

The other thing I will be focusing on is exercise this week. Exercise is hard at this size - there's no other way to state that. However tomorrow evening I will be getting into the pool for a session of Aqua Jogging. I have always loved aquafit so I'm hoping this will be as enjoyable. Gotta start somewhere right?

What is your passion?

Do you have something you're passionate about? Are you passionate about your work?

We spend anywhere between 35 and 60 hours per week at work. Many of us do it for at least 40 years. Do you walk away at the end of the day just having loved your day? Do you wake up in the morning just raring to go - ready to jump into your working day?

I'm not sure I can answer yes to any of the questions I've just posed. I certainly have things that are important to me but am I passionate about them? Not if being passionate requires an open display of commitment that says to everyone "this is what I am about". On many levels the people that have known me the longest will tell you it's really hard to know what I am about. I share but on a deeper level I am a very private person. Those of you that read this blog have probably seen more of "me" than my family.

On the work front, and thinking about this is what has resulted in this blog entry, I do not dislike what I do, in fact I quite like it but I'm not passionate about it. Don't get me wrong... I love the people I work with (well, mostly), I like my boss, I think we do good things but does it make me feel good, does it make me feel like I'm serving a higher purpose that supporting the comfortable lifestyle I have grown accustomed to? The answer quite simply is... no.

For years I've been able to justify the balance between work and family - working to live vs living to work but somehow it doesn't seem enough anymore. I don't want to further sacrifice the amount of time and energy I have for my family but I feel like I need to do something "more"

I have no idea what that "more" could be. I want to know that I've made a difference. That somehow my contribution has made someones life better or opened possibilities for them in a way that maybe they couldn't achieve for themselves. A minute example of what I'm trying to articulate here... from the day my daughter was born I read to her. Every night without fail. As she grew she copied my words, then she memorized simple books, and then the wonder of wonders, she was reading. The sense of overwhelming joy to see her tap into the world of words is the sense that I would like to bring to my work. To know that in a small way, through an action as simple as reading to someone, I've made a difference. Today Ms 7 reads at a grade 6 level, she's articulate and she's curious. I can't take all the credit but I know that I helped start her on her journey of lifelong learning and reading for pleasure... and that feels good.

Quite frankly I don't know what I want to be when I grow up any more. All that was clear as a freshman has since become very murky. Priorities change. Perspectives change. I have changed.

I think it's time for me to explore this a little further. I still have many working years ahead of me. Many years to contribute to my family and my community. I would like to find a way that I can do that and along the way find a passion that would allow me to bring to life whatever my "more" is.

I have a hole in my jeans dear Liza, dear Liza…

My jeans are about to fall apart. I have been living in a pair of size 22 jeans for about the last month. They were a pair that I had previously worn and then put away as I gained weight. But in the past couple of weeks they have become so threadbare on the inside upper thigh that they are starting to split. I actually darned the splits but they have split around the stitching (I did such a great job that the stitching itself as held beautifully).

My dilemma? I am about 2 inches around the waist away from being about to wear the next size down. I have a pair of jeans ready to go; I just can’t do them up right now. I do not want to spend any money on new jeans given that I’ll be out of them so soon. The question is now going to be… will my jeans last long enough for me to get down to the next size or will I be thoroughly embarrassed at work when my jeans split further so that it’s visible to others? I can just see it happening… jeans splitting all around the top leaving a nice horizontal flap exposing my saggy baggy elephant skin thighs. Thank goodness it’s winter time. At least I’ll be able to wear my long winter coat as I slink out of the building.

I should start a pool – on what day will I either

expose myself to my unwitting colleagues, or,
be able to fit into my size 20 jeans?

If I charged a dollar a guess, maybe I could afford a new pair of jeans

For the record once I’m out of the 20’s I’ll be in new territory. No clothes in the closet for this contingency but at that point I will be happy to pick up some cheap clothes to get me from size to size. Once I hit my ‘stable weight’ whatever that may be, I’ll be going on a shopping spree like you’ve never seen before. But that’s still some time off so until now I’ll focus on the widening holes in my comfy, increasingly loose jeans.