Life's a journey - Let's Switch it Up!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Compliments

I don't know what to do with them.

I can give them and mean it. In fact it comes quite naturally since I tend to notice things. But have someone pay me one and it totally unbalances me.

Today I took Ms 8 to school and decided to hang around till the bell rang. From the time I walked into the school to the time I left I had no fewer than 4 people comment on how I looked. Ms 8's grade 2 teacher came right out and said that I had lost a lot of weight. I told her 127lbs to date. I told her I felt great and wished her a good day. Three mom's, one who I know by sight only, also said something. I just thanked them and said nothing more.

Logically - I deserve the compliments. I DO look so much better than I did before. But on some deep sad level I am so not comfortable with them. I didn't even realize how uncomfortable I was until I caught myself eating chips and chocolate for breakfast. Unplanned. Could the need to remain anonymous be so deeply ingrained that I would sabotage myself in reaction to a few compliments? This is scary stuff. This is the stuff that weight loss failures are made of. This is the stuff that screwed up self esteem is made of.

I would put money on the fact that I am not the only one that does this. Overweight people are typically not as self assured as they come across at times. Our fat and our 'persona' protect us from prying eyes... when the fat goes the 'persona' doesn't quite fit any more either. What is left is...well... us. We, I feel so much more vulnerable because what you are seeing is "me" and I'm obviously not to comfortable that "me" will stand up to expectations.

Heady stuff first thing on a Monday morning. My learning is that I obviously need to be on guard not to react in a self defeating way to the compliments. I need to hear them and accept them for what they are.

Todays weight: 222.6lbs

3 Comments:

  • I'm just a random reader who stumbled onto your blog a while back, but I want you to know, I totally do the same thing. But you DO deserve the compliments - you're doing awesome!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 12:04 AM  

  • Thanks Andrea... I really appreciate that :)

    By Blogger Aussieabroad, At 7:05 AM  

  • " I DO look so much better than I did before. But on some deep sad level I am so not comfortable with them. I didn't even realize how uncomfortable I was until I caught myself eating chips and chocolate for breakfast. Unplanned. Could the need to remain anonymous be so deeply ingrained that I would sabotage myself in reaction to a few compliments? This is scary stuff. This is the stuff that weight loss failures are made of. This is the stuff that screwed up self esteem is made of. "

    I wonder how much of it is also what you call "unplanned" or what I call, for myself, "mindless" eating? I've found myself making those bad choices sometimes, usually when I'm distracted or stressed. Then the bad, autopilot habits kick in. And carbs are sometimes easier to get down, which is a factor when you can't eat much.

    *S*

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 10:34 AM  

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