Good Grief

Well I was up until after 1am tying myself in absolute knots. Quite frankly it was a night from hell.

Why? Well where some of you have seen an exciting opportunity hubby sees

1. A company who doesn't know what the hell they are doing. I mean how can you have one offer on the table on Monday and by Thursday there's another position that they may or may not go ahead with? His view right now is that this is a Mickey Mouse company and I'll be out of work again in a year. I don't see it that way. I think this is a company that is changing quickly and I'm kind of excited about the opportunity to be there on the ground floor with them as they grow. He wants me to keep looking even if I start there. I want to immerse myself into my new job.

2. Me not having actively pursued any other opportunities since we started interviewing with this company 6 weeks ago (albeit for a totally different position). He sees this as me putting our family at risk should this not come through. He is right to a certain extent. I "knew" this was the company/job for me and I was working very hard to land it. Had I been/ if I am wrong then I would have lost the 6 weeks. This is what is causing him the most stress. I hate that this is causing him so much stress. I hate that this has blown up so much that I am finding it hard to find joy in this situation. In terms of the new role - it is very exciting. It is one that will allow me to take my existing expertise to new heights. It will allow me to establish a function in the way I think it should operate without the burden of years and years of "but we've always done it this way" to hold me back. That's very exciting to me. It's play time. I want to run with that excitement and build on it... hubby's stress is not allowing me to do that. I want to share it with him. I can't do that right now because in his eyes until I have that signed piece of paper I have nothing.

I spoke with my boss-to-be this morning and she has put my mind at ease somewhat. The offer is not at risk. It's not a matter of either or and if one falls through then I'm without a job. I have decided to move forward with the training role for a number of reasons

1. as I mentioned - I get to create, with my team, what we want to be
2. I think there will be longer term security in this role that the other director role I was offered
3. It's a great way to learn the business while supporting it and it opens up possibilities for future roles that may be a more difficult sell right now.

There will be more travel involved with this initially since my team is spread over three sites in Boston and Ontario. This will be really hard on the family, especially Ms 8. However, once we have the basics in place I will have a team that I should be able to rely on to manage their own functions.

My boss-to-be is circling back with the powers that be and I should hear more this afternoon. I hope hubby can tolerate a little more ambiguity until it's all sorted out. I hope he can see past the 'growing pains' at some point and see the potential. I want to enjoy this with him. He's my best friend. I want to celebrate with him.