Blended Families Suck
Being a family without major disfunction is tough at the best of times, being a blended family just makes "normal" so much tougher.
The family is never about you and the kids, it's about you and the kids and the other parent. Usually it's about two sets of priorities and two sets of needs. Add in a set of kids who share one biological parent but not the other and the mix gets even murkier. Deep dark plots of favouritism and unfairness arise in the unformed minds of the minors. If they spent as much time focusing on their school work as they did the rest of the crap, man we'd have straight A students on our hands! Before I get off track - we'll leave the school work for many upcoming posts.
One of the toughest things is when kids feel pulled between two sets of parents. Today, a little example. I asked kid 13, whether we were meeting his Mom at 7.30pm at our midway drop off spot as I has suggested. Twelve hours after the phone conversation with his mom takes place he informs me that doesn't work for her. She finishes work at 5 and rather than go home would like to meet after that. I remind kid 13 that his younger sister is in an after school program from which we do need to collect her, that she and his brother have newspapers to deliver, and that normally Dad and I are both at work so this time frame doesn't work. Never has, and unless I win the lotto, never will (this is added commentary, I didn't say that to him).
He then goes into a tirade about how he's going to get stuck delivering the papers...blah blah blah. I saw red. No one asked him but god forbid that he should offer to help out in order to cut out one process that was making the 7.30pm time frame a reality. The little turd wants to meet his Mom's time frame but is not willing to do one iota of work to make it happen. You know what, it's time for a reality check kid 13. This was not verbalized to the kid but I think it needs to be...again.
The reason your sister is in an after school program that is costing me $4000 a year, rather than at home right after school at which time those papers could be done, is because you and your brother made her life so miserable that she wanted to run away. You have not learned to set aside your own selfishness to ensure that her life is tolerable when you guys are alone, just as you cannot set aside your own selfishness now to ensure that all the obligations are met before we head out.
If the blended family thing was not a part of this it could simply become a matter of, you know what kid 13, because of your attitude we are not going anywhere this evening. But we can't do that. I am very aware of the boys need to spend time with their Mom. I tend to more protective of that than they are. It's not fair to her.
So this morning started with me totally annoyed with kid 13 and his ongoing selfish-lazy-give me mentality, and with him probably totally ticked with me cause he can't see what the problem is.
What I wouldn't do a Starbucks Grande Java Chip Frappuccino right now!
The family is never about you and the kids, it's about you and the kids and the other parent. Usually it's about two sets of priorities and two sets of needs. Add in a set of kids who share one biological parent but not the other and the mix gets even murkier. Deep dark plots of favouritism and unfairness arise in the unformed minds of the minors. If they spent as much time focusing on their school work as they did the rest of the crap, man we'd have straight A students on our hands! Before I get off track - we'll leave the school work for many upcoming posts.
One of the toughest things is when kids feel pulled between two sets of parents. Today, a little example. I asked kid 13, whether we were meeting his Mom at 7.30pm at our midway drop off spot as I has suggested. Twelve hours after the phone conversation with his mom takes place he informs me that doesn't work for her. She finishes work at 5 and rather than go home would like to meet after that. I remind kid 13 that his younger sister is in an after school program from which we do need to collect her, that she and his brother have newspapers to deliver, and that normally Dad and I are both at work so this time frame doesn't work. Never has, and unless I win the lotto, never will (this is added commentary, I didn't say that to him).
He then goes into a tirade about how he's going to get stuck delivering the papers...blah blah blah. I saw red. No one asked him but god forbid that he should offer to help out in order to cut out one process that was making the 7.30pm time frame a reality. The little turd wants to meet his Mom's time frame but is not willing to do one iota of work to make it happen. You know what, it's time for a reality check kid 13. This was not verbalized to the kid but I think it needs to be...again.
The reason your sister is in an after school program that is costing me $4000 a year, rather than at home right after school at which time those papers could be done, is because you and your brother made her life so miserable that she wanted to run away. You have not learned to set aside your own selfishness to ensure that her life is tolerable when you guys are alone, just as you cannot set aside your own selfishness now to ensure that all the obligations are met before we head out.
If the blended family thing was not a part of this it could simply become a matter of, you know what kid 13, because of your attitude we are not going anywhere this evening. But we can't do that. I am very aware of the boys need to spend time with their Mom. I tend to more protective of that than they are. It's not fair to her.
So this morning started with me totally annoyed with kid 13 and his ongoing selfish-lazy-give me mentality, and with him probably totally ticked with me cause he can't see what the problem is.
What I wouldn't do a Starbucks Grande Java Chip Frappuccino right now!
posted by Aussieabroad at
8:55 AM
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