All is quiet

As I sit here enjoying the rare sound of silence, save the hum of the PC's, I am transported back about 4 months ago when I posted about the first day of school. That's right this time 4 months ago the kids went back to school and I gave myself an objective of getting in my application for Out of Country medical approval through our provincial health insurance provider OHIP.

It's hard to believe that in that time frame I was approved for surgery, I have had surgery and now I coming up to my 6 week surgiversary. Things moved quickly, the only delay was me. I had to delay my initial consult by a month because it was performance appraisal time at work and I could not justify not being there to fight for my folks. And I mean fight - the process is a harrowing one in our company. I guess that's understandable when you have over 100,000 people being assessed against each other...but I digress.

In that 4 months I have learned a lot about myself, my surgery and life in general. For those that are considering the Duodenal Switch as a weight loss option, or for those that are newly post op here is a list of what I have learned. I have read similar lists from others and they helped me immensely. I didn't feel so alone. I had some reassurance that what I was going through was normal.

I have learned that:

1. Research is the key. Before you make the commitment, before you have the surgery and before you move away from your surgeons recommendations, research research research. It helped me walk into the surgery very calmly. I continue to research even now - hoping to learn from those that went before me.

2. Understand that no matter how much you research, a lot of it you won't understand until you experience it. I had no idea how eating too fast would feel (I describe it much like waiting to have a heart attack), I had no idea how I would react to a rapid slow down in weight loss (I wasn't ready for it), I had no idea how fast and furious a bowel movement could really be (I could sink a small submarine). So the advice, store it all away but be prepared to go back and retrieve that information when you have your experiences... learn from it.

3. I am accountable. This one is the hardest for me. I know I am not maximizing my opportunity because I have not managed to get my liquid levels to where they need to be on a consistent basis. I have also not institutionalized an exercise routine. Very few people can get away with no exercising. I am not one of them. By choosing not to make the time I am choosing to slow down my weight loss. It sucks but I am accountable and I do have to accept responsibility.

4. A "this too shall pass attitude" will help tremendously. The first days post surgery are not pretty, the first little while of getting used to your plumbing with all it's accompanying issues (ranging from diarrhea to constipation) are not pretty, dealing with discomfort is not fun, being not able to lift anything more than 8 - 10lbs is a pain in the butt, not knowing what to eat, not wanting to eat, not enjoying what you eat are all disheartening. But if you can keep in mind that this too shall pass, it is so much easier to deal with. Attitude is key. Reach out for help and advice when you need it (and I've been very thankful for having a great resource in ObesityHelp.com as well as my favourite WLS blogs (Kim, Alison, Epzy, Tia and Mary Beth... thank you). Always keep in mind though that whatever sucks for you right now - it does get better.

5. Your mind needs help too. I have been dieting since I was 17. I am now 41. That's many years of learning and unlearning different diet information dependent on the flavour of the diet day. Don't expect for it all to fall into place just because you've had surgery. The old demons are still there. The fear is still there. Recognize it and be gentle with yourself (I am still working on this one) or even better seek some professional help. We all have our demons and sometimes it takes a neutral 3rd party to help remove those. There will be moments when you feel really resentful because you can not eat what you want to eat. Yesterday I felt crappy all day - nothing went down well, nothing tasted good. I so wanted to reach for an old comfort food friend but I "knew" that if I chose to do so I would be shooting myself in the foot (or more appropriately in the butt). I actually felt resentment. Even though I had made the choice. Be prepared for that and then read 4...this too shall pass.

6. Do not compare yourself to others. Unless you walk in someone else's shoes you can not truly compare. I remember being so excited when I had lost 24lbs in 8 days, that soon became 34 and then it crawled to my current loss. During the early days I identified with a woman who was about the same weight as me when she started her journey and she lost 100lbs in the first 3 months. Early on I figured I could do that. By doing this I have made things so much more difficult for myself. I feel like a failure when heck I'm not. I can't remember the last time that I lost 42lbs in 6 months lets alone 1. Even if I lose 10lbs per month from here on in, I'm going to be close to goal within 18 months. Given that it's taken a lifetime of over eating to get here, that's not bad. Do not set yourself up for heart ache...compare to your previous losses instead.

7. The scale is evil. You will have a love hate relationship with it. At first it's fun. You wake up you weigh yourself and it's lower than yesterday. You weigh before bed and it's lower again...Cool. And then it happens. It stops. It slows down. It stops again. Oh crap, I've gained 1/4 lb. It is so easy to become obsessed. I have not yet tamed this particular devil but if you can avoid it I would highly recommend it. Being a slave to the scale is unhealthy. I am hoping that when I go back to work next week I can tear myself away!

8. Life will be different. Dinners out now should be about the company rather than the food... you will finish a long time before every one else. Where food was a social thing you need to make conversation or other things the social focus. Where food was a comfort thing you need other things to give you comfort and provide you with joy. And a lot of these changes will be internal. Life hasn't changed for everyone else so they are not going to notice or be as aware of it as you. Be prepared to go some of this alone.

I'm sure there's more but these are the main things.

I have been very lucky - my journey has ,so far, been an easy one. My insurance came through in record time, the surgery was a textbook one with no complications and my weight loss has been solid. I know that I am the only one that can make this journey a fantastic one (thanks for the reminder Mary Beth).