Do you like your children?

In most instances we give birth by choice or we marry into a relationship with kids by choice. We choose to be parents among the other things that we are. Would we make those same choices if we could see into the future? If we knew how our kids were going to behave?

I’ve blogged many times about my trials and tribulations with the boys. They are testing my patience and parenting skills, or lack thereof, on every level. They can be oppositional, selfish, self centred and downright horrible. At times like these I do not like them and I do not like their company. I find myself withdrawing from them and the family… I do not like this about myself.

What has surprised me recently is that I am becoming increasingly frustrated with Ms 7yr old. She has always been the one that could do no wrong in my eyes. She is smart as a whip, she is caring, funny, ambitious. Her challenges have always been an inclination to whine when tired and a picky eating habit that has resulted in me becoming a short order cook. Other than that - no concerns at all.

Lately though, she seems to be picking up some of the behaviours that she sees the boys use… most specifically back chatting. In our household it is never a matter of kid asks question, parent gives response, kid accepts said response. Unless it is exactly what they want to hear, they challenge everything. It drives me insane. My reasons are usually well thought out and quite frankly I do not feel the need to explain myself to a 15, 13 or 7 year old on every single decision I make.

I am tired of being challenged, I am tired of the lack of respect, I am tired of not wanting to be with my family. It concerns me greatly to see my little girl going down the route she is. I am working with her – she typically responds to reasonable logic. We’ll see. For me this is has been a real eye opener. She’s always been such an angel so now that she is acting like a normal kid I have to readjust my expectations. She really is not bad, just a little cheeky right now.

I worry too that I’ve become so jaded by the antics of the older two that I’ve just lost my ability to enjoy the good that is there in all of them. Am I being too sensitive to Ms 7 year old? Have I forgotten how to relax around the boys cause I am always expecting the worse? Do I need to lighten up? Can I learn to like the boys again?

I really don't want to feel this way about the boys but I do. I don't ever want to go down that path with Ms 7 but the risk is there. Don't get me wrong, I would lay down my life for each of them - I just don't like them right now. Lying, not caring, selfishness,rudeness etc are just not traits I admire in people. Sigh...