Sleepless in Boston

It's been quite the night so far.

Hubby doesn't want Ms 8 to go. He has some real concerns about putting Ms 8 in an environment where she is essentially there to see her Oma pass away. I can see his point. It had crossed my mind. What is tearing me apart is that she will be devastated if I leave her behind. She already has such a hard time when I leave for three days at a time. This will be so much longer. What is making it harder for me, and it will crush her, is that she is then so dependent on the support of her brothers. They cannot step up. She doesn't make it easy for them and they don't want to do it. I would spend the entire time away worrying about her. Hubby simply cannot spread himself that thin to be all things to all people while I'm away.

I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. Melodramatic but I can't think of a better way to describe it.

This is cut and paste from an email exchange I had with my sister tonight (names changed to protect the innocent):

She is very sad. Pragmatic, but sad. Dr Healy came and saw her and said the scans didn't show anything in the region of the abdomen where Mum said she was feeling some pain, but it did show that the new rice grain sized cancers that they found a few months back were larger and were pressing against her (something or other to do with the bypasses already there from the last surgery). So she is not completely blocked but unblocking may not solve the problem as it is the pressure from outside. As there are already 5 by pass bits and pieces they may not be able to do another one.

Mum then said to me that she was told if that was the case it would not be long to go.

She then said Dr Healy said that if you were to come it would need to be sooner rather than later. Sorry.

She is sad that she still hasn't finished the photo album for Ms 8 so she is going to ask Dad to bring it in for her and she will write notes on bits of paper and I said I would finish it off for her. She is cross too. said this year wasn't a good year. There were too many thing to do :) That sounded a bit more like her.

She is tired.

And so am I. It is 1 am and at 9.30 I am terminating someone's employment. I owe it to them to get some sleep... I am a great believer in doing things like this with dignity and integrity. Thank you for all the messages of support. The fact that you still read after me being so erratic at best in my blogging is heartwarming. The fact that you care is humbling. Right now sitting in a hotel room by myself you have no idea how much your support means. Thank you.