No photo's no official weight
13 months have come and gone. I didn't take photo's and I didn't go in for an official weigh in.
Why?
Well, my weight hasn't moved at all. I weigh the same today as I did a month ago. Two months ago. I don't look any different than I did a month ago so I have officially slipped into a state of apathy. It's the why bother phase.
Now, did I expect to lose weight? The answer is no. So it's not a matter of being disappointed. I have for all intents and purposes been eating like crap. I have consumed more sugar and carbs in the last month than I have in the last year combined. I have eaten jelly belly's until I dreamed about them in my sleep. I have consumer more chocolate than I did when I was super fat.
The good news is that I did not put on weight. The bad news is that I can eat a lot of this crap with fairly few consequences. The worse news is that I made these choices which tells me that my head is no where near where it needs to be. I am abusing this gift called the DS - testing limits that need not be tested. I am falling very easily into habits that made me super morbidly obese. Crap - this is not what I want for myself but I am having trouble reigning it back in. I am struggling kicking the sugar slut out of my life.
What is it that makes an intelligent woman make these choices? I know it's not the ghrenlin - that was taken care of when a large chunk of my stomach was cut away. Logically I come to the conclusion that it's all head stuff. I think I need help. Time to look into get me some counseling before I screw this one up completely. I've worked too hard to now undo it all. I seem to have this failure button that gets pressed every time I get too close to success. A button that I press myself. I remember reading someones blog that mentioned train wrecks, and how hard it was to look away. Well, I'm beginning to think I was the train wreck waiting to happen but didn't have the foresight to see it at the time. Crap.
Anyway - I will be reaching out for help. I'm not sure what's out there but a journey starts with the first step right? Time to call my employee assistance program.
Why?
Well, my weight hasn't moved at all. I weigh the same today as I did a month ago. Two months ago. I don't look any different than I did a month ago so I have officially slipped into a state of apathy. It's the why bother phase.
Now, did I expect to lose weight? The answer is no. So it's not a matter of being disappointed. I have for all intents and purposes been eating like crap. I have consumed more sugar and carbs in the last month than I have in the last year combined. I have eaten jelly belly's until I dreamed about them in my sleep. I have consumer more chocolate than I did when I was super fat.
The good news is that I did not put on weight. The bad news is that I can eat a lot of this crap with fairly few consequences. The worse news is that I made these choices which tells me that my head is no where near where it needs to be. I am abusing this gift called the DS - testing limits that need not be tested. I am falling very easily into habits that made me super morbidly obese. Crap - this is not what I want for myself but I am having trouble reigning it back in. I am struggling kicking the sugar slut out of my life.
What is it that makes an intelligent woman make these choices? I know it's not the ghrenlin - that was taken care of when a large chunk of my stomach was cut away. Logically I come to the conclusion that it's all head stuff. I think I need help. Time to look into get me some counseling before I screw this one up completely. I've worked too hard to now undo it all. I seem to have this failure button that gets pressed every time I get too close to success. A button that I press myself. I remember reading someones blog that mentioned train wrecks, and how hard it was to look away. Well, I'm beginning to think I was the train wreck waiting to happen but didn't have the foresight to see it at the time. Crap.
Anyway - I will be reaching out for help. I'm not sure what's out there but a journey starts with the first step right? Time to call my employee assistance program.
posted by Aussieabroad at
10:48 AM
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