Angry

Today I feel angry. I am putting up a front for the sake of my team but today I am pissed. The more I think about it (and I have my lawyer to thank for putting the thought firmly in my head) the more I question the logic of what happened. My team is growing... I had an interview scheduled for one hour after I was told that I would no longer have a job. We're moving sites which is causing major attrition - my team trains the new folks. We're converting systems in early 2008... this is a huge job for us. So why let me go?

It's hard to not take it personally. But you have to question. Why me? My performance was fine - they told me it was not a performance issue. So why me? Could it be that I'm the more expensive of the two managers in Canada? After all I have at least 10 years experience on my colleague (whom I like by the way and hold in no way accountable) and that puts me in a higher salary bracket. Could it be that I'm the greater risk for absenteeism due to my multiple sclerosis? And yes, I do take more days off for this reason. Could it be that my company is self insured so the $25,000 they pay out for my MS medication is an attractive cost saving? Could it be... all these questions. And no answers. They will of course never admit that it has anything to do with my chronic illness but you have to question.

So today I'm pissed... a good frame of mind to be in. It'll help me be ruthless when it comes to cleaning out my office.