Bad Choices
Yes it's nearly midnight. Yes I'm blogging. No I am not entirely crazy. I just feel really really bad and I want to capture that feeling so that the next time I am tempted to make bad choices I will think twice. I want to remember how bad I feel.
Tonight I made a series of bad choices. I fell into a comfortable old pattern the way that you would fall into a comfortable old bed. But unlike a comfortable bed which soothes you with warmth and familiarity my choices have resulted in gut stretching, stomach twisting gas. Nothing noxious but highly painful. My stomach is rock hard and it has nothing to do with underlying muscle tone.
So what happened?
I was hungry when I came home but had no idea what to have. So I stood at the pantry and snacked on various carb laden salt encrusted snacks. A handful of tortilla chips, a handful of bits and bites. After coming back from the clinic I made dinner for the family and as I served them I ate a slice of garlic bread. My first piece of bread since surgery. I did not feel like a full dinner at this point so opted for some Brie with spelt crackers. See a common theme... carbs carbs carbs. None of these in their own right would have caused me an issue but all of them together apparently did not work for me.
If I was really honest with myself I would also say that I was stressed. Work sucked today. I screwed up and got caught out. Mr 15 was an ass from the moment he got up to the moment he went to bed. It's hard to work hard when some of that cash is going to a soul sucking self centred teenager. Hubby lost a friend. At age 52 she passed away. Cancer. It was just not a great day. Without thinking I turned, or attempted to turn, to food for comfort. It didn't work. Instead of being snuggled up in bed I am downstairs hoping that the gas will pass. Pun intended.
I need to learn from this. Look for strategies to help me cope with crap rather than turn mindlessly to what I know too well. I must remember this pain!
Tonight I made a series of bad choices. I fell into a comfortable old pattern the way that you would fall into a comfortable old bed. But unlike a comfortable bed which soothes you with warmth and familiarity my choices have resulted in gut stretching, stomach twisting gas. Nothing noxious but highly painful. My stomach is rock hard and it has nothing to do with underlying muscle tone.
So what happened?
I was hungry when I came home but had no idea what to have. So I stood at the pantry and snacked on various carb laden salt encrusted snacks. A handful of tortilla chips, a handful of bits and bites. After coming back from the clinic I made dinner for the family and as I served them I ate a slice of garlic bread. My first piece of bread since surgery. I did not feel like a full dinner at this point so opted for some Brie with spelt crackers. See a common theme... carbs carbs carbs. None of these in their own right would have caused me an issue but all of them together apparently did not work for me.
If I was really honest with myself I would also say that I was stressed. Work sucked today. I screwed up and got caught out. Mr 15 was an ass from the moment he got up to the moment he went to bed. It's hard to work hard when some of that cash is going to a soul sucking self centred teenager. Hubby lost a friend. At age 52 she passed away. Cancer. It was just not a great day. Without thinking I turned, or attempted to turn, to food for comfort. It didn't work. Instead of being snuggled up in bed I am downstairs hoping that the gas will pass. Pun intended.
I need to learn from this. Look for strategies to help me cope with crap rather than turn mindlessly to what I know too well. I must remember this pain!
posted by Aussieabroad at
11:46 PM
1 Comments:
I had a similar experience and I am constantly aware of my issues with food. The good thing is that my DS helps me. No matter how much I think I want to gourge on food, I know I can't and those memories of long nights pooting or long mornings pooping help to retrain my brain. Another wonderful thing is that I am slowly starting to realize and recognize that just a bite or two of something I want, but don't need can satisfy me. I only had two bites of my birthday cake over a month ago and was perfectly happy. It has taken me quite a while to really believe I don't have to be perfect. Thank God! I still try to be very careful, but if I have a couple bites of potatoes or a cookie, I don't beat myself up for it because I know it won't completely derail me and it doesn't mean I am failing. I think it was on duodenalswitch.com where I read some write something along the lines of "you don't have to be perfect, just do something."
One thing as well, I've become much more vocal during times like that. Where once I would drown my frustration/anger/disappointment in cookies/cake, etc, now I talk it out, even if I am talking to myself. I let it out and put it out in the world and out of me.
I'm sure you'll find some things that will work for you.
By
Tia L., At
4:15 PM
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