Starting over
For those of you who have ever tried to lose weight you will know that dieting is about starting over. For many of us that means starting over again and again and again.
Four days ago I started over again. I decided it was time to bite the bullet and get myself ready for this surgery. I have opted to go low carb, high protein just because that's what I need to do once I'm "switched". For three days I did great. Even through thanksgiving. And then there was today.
This morning I was up at 5am working with son number 2 on his homework so I had time to have breakfast and make my lunch. I had high hopes. I left my lunch at work and instead I grabbed Indian food which would have been fine had I not opted to eat the naan bread but ya know, it's just perfect for dipping. Not too bad, not too good but it would not have impacted the 5lbs I have already lost.
Then there was this afternoon. Number 2 son goes missing. Noone has seen him. An hour and a half after school finishes I find him. I lost it. I was so scared. Scared he was hurt. Scared that this could be the catalyst to send my family over the abyss. Scared. He got to see the wrath of the evil stepmom. I don't lose it often but when I do, it just aint pretty.
Dinner plans went astray (read that as didn't have time to pick up food when combing neighbourhood for child that may not live to reach 14) and hubby ordered pizza. I ate pizza... but only three slices. After dropping hubby off for his charity work tonight I picked up a Skinny Chocolate Chiller from Second Cup.
Let's analyze this. I was stressed. I reached for chocolate. I took the small size whereas I normally would have a medium. I took the skinny option whereas I normally would take the fully loaded, smother me in whipped cream, option. So whilst I did not do myself a favour on the low carb front, I did try to make better choices as I was consciously making my bad ones. The other interesting thing I noticed, and it is a recurring reaction, is that every time I see the scale moving down I go out of my way to eat something that may sabotage my efforts. I really don't seem to be comfortable with the idea of success yet...
So tomorrow is about starting over. I am not going to beat myself up. I will just work at it with renewed hope. But it does tell me that I need to actively work at finding new strategies to deal with stress. I also need to get over this fear of success... it's holding me back.
Four days ago I started over again. I decided it was time to bite the bullet and get myself ready for this surgery. I have opted to go low carb, high protein just because that's what I need to do once I'm "switched". For three days I did great. Even through thanksgiving. And then there was today.
This morning I was up at 5am working with son number 2 on his homework so I had time to have breakfast and make my lunch. I had high hopes. I left my lunch at work and instead I grabbed Indian food which would have been fine had I not opted to eat the naan bread but ya know, it's just perfect for dipping. Not too bad, not too good but it would not have impacted the 5lbs I have already lost.
Then there was this afternoon. Number 2 son goes missing. Noone has seen him. An hour and a half after school finishes I find him. I lost it. I was so scared. Scared he was hurt. Scared that this could be the catalyst to send my family over the abyss. Scared. He got to see the wrath of the evil stepmom. I don't lose it often but when I do, it just aint pretty.
Dinner plans went astray (read that as didn't have time to pick up food when combing neighbourhood for child that may not live to reach 14) and hubby ordered pizza. I ate pizza... but only three slices. After dropping hubby off for his charity work tonight I picked up a Skinny Chocolate Chiller from Second Cup.
Let's analyze this. I was stressed. I reached for chocolate. I took the small size whereas I normally would have a medium. I took the skinny option whereas I normally would take the fully loaded, smother me in whipped cream, option. So whilst I did not do myself a favour on the low carb front, I did try to make better choices as I was consciously making my bad ones. The other interesting thing I noticed, and it is a recurring reaction, is that every time I see the scale moving down I go out of my way to eat something that may sabotage my efforts. I really don't seem to be comfortable with the idea of success yet...
So tomorrow is about starting over. I am not going to beat myself up. I will just work at it with renewed hope. But it does tell me that I need to actively work at finding new strategies to deal with stress. I also need to get over this fear of success... it's holding me back.
posted by Aussieabroad at
10:29 PM
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