Why can't I just start?
Two weeks ago, after receiving the call from the surgeons office, I knew what I had to do. If I wanted to minimize the time between the consult and the surgery I have to lose some weight by myself. It seems to be the one common instruction that surgeons have given their patients. Firstly, the lower your body weight the less risky the surgery and secondly, it shows that you're serious about what you are about to undertake. That you have what it takes to be compliant after the surgery.
I want this surgery this year. I don't want to start another year with this weight. So I decided that I would go back to a modified Atkins/South Beach type eating plan to get things started. Why low carb? Well - it most closely follows how you eat after surgery, it has been successful for me before and it doesn't leave me so ravenous that I can't think straight. It was also great at calming any cravings - carbs and I do not get along well. Carbs are what I have been living off lately.
So... knowing all this you'd think I'd get on the band wagon and present myself 20lbs lighter at the consultation wouldn't you? But no - once again I am going out of my way to eat crap. What the heck is my problem?
Is this a case of saying farewell to the foods that I will likely never eat again ( and quite frankly I'm ok with saying goodbye to most) or is it that I'm trying to screw up my chances of success? If I do this now, will I be able to get it in check post surgery?
Is it that I am just so stressed right now because I have work coming out the wazoo and this is my way of comforting myself? If so then I need to get a different hobby?
Is it that I have a real fear that my marriage may not out last the surgery? Apparently 50% of marriage end in divorce post surgery. This number scares me. We have been on rocky ground a number of times during the past 10 years... can we withstand something that is going to alter the way I deal with my life? Do I want to find out?
The answer could be 'all of the above'...it's hard to tell what's noise and what is real in terms of the 'why's. The reality though is that I'm having trouble getting started and every day that I delay I risk pushing back surgery. My window for this year is small. Do I want it bad enough?
I want this surgery this year. I don't want to start another year with this weight. So I decided that I would go back to a modified Atkins/South Beach type eating plan to get things started. Why low carb? Well - it most closely follows how you eat after surgery, it has been successful for me before and it doesn't leave me so ravenous that I can't think straight. It was also great at calming any cravings - carbs and I do not get along well. Carbs are what I have been living off lately.
So... knowing all this you'd think I'd get on the band wagon and present myself 20lbs lighter at the consultation wouldn't you? But no - once again I am going out of my way to eat crap. What the heck is my problem?
Is this a case of saying farewell to the foods that I will likely never eat again ( and quite frankly I'm ok with saying goodbye to most) or is it that I'm trying to screw up my chances of success? If I do this now, will I be able to get it in check post surgery?
Is it that I am just so stressed right now because I have work coming out the wazoo and this is my way of comforting myself? If so then I need to get a different hobby?
Is it that I have a real fear that my marriage may not out last the surgery? Apparently 50% of marriage end in divorce post surgery. This number scares me. We have been on rocky ground a number of times during the past 10 years... can we withstand something that is going to alter the way I deal with my life? Do I want to find out?
The answer could be 'all of the above'...it's hard to tell what's noise and what is real in terms of the 'why's. The reality though is that I'm having trouble getting started and every day that I delay I risk pushing back surgery. My window for this year is small. Do I want it bad enough?
posted by Aussieabroad at
8:54 PM
1 Comments:
Don't beat yourself up, Ann. Losing weight is very, very difficult issue. It isn't as easy as people thing. I am emotional eater as well so I completely understand.
As always, you are in my prayers Ann. I admire you for taking charge of your life. You are inspiring.
Love you.
By
Kate, At
10:06 AM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home