The Rose Coloured Glasses Are Off.
It's hard to believe that another week has gone by. This morning I am sitting in my hotel room in Boston, Starbucks in hand, getting ready for my journey home. I am ready to go home. It's been quite the week. The rose coloured glasses are off. Perspective has set in. Nothing like a little perspective to slap you around. What I have learned this week
1. that people are not always what they seem. Sounds like a no brainer right? I have always prided myself on being a very good reader of people. I am highly intuitive and over the years have learned to trust my intuition. In the euphoria of working in a 'principled' company I made the mistake of assuming that everyone operates from a place of good intent. I was wrong.
2. Game playing is present at every organization. Sometimes you need to find the room at the back of the store with a guy called Bubba guarding it. But look hard enough and it'll be there. This week I ran into Bubba full force.
3. I have little tolerance for the games. I have no time for it. Literally. My day/week/month is a fine balance of double and triple booked meetings. I don't have time for the basics let alone games of cloak and dagger.
4. There are some very principled people in my peer group. I am very grateful to have them on my team.
5. That managing remotely when things are not working well sucks. I can't "see" what's going on. My teams in Boston and Chelmsford are not in a good place. It's a management issue. I am going to be called hatchet woman before my time is over.
6. I need to put me first. This probably was my biggest light bulb moment...courtesy of sitting in a hotel room alone last night after what can only be described as a long long week. I have fallen into an old behavioural trap of trying to be all things to all people. My job is complex. I inherited a hornets nest. The company is poised for incredible growth. I am involved in a lot of the foundation building. But. no. BUT. I am not eating well. I am not sleeping enough. I am stretching myself too thin and as a result not doing things as well as I would like to. All of these things will bite me in the butt. It's time to get my priorities sorted out. I need to better manage expectations, largely my own. I need to put my hand up for help. I don't do that well.
7. I need my family. They ground me. As much as the boys drive me absolutely freakin' batty they provide me with a counter balance. They have also given me a lot of insight into some of the performance issues I'm dealing with at work. I miss my husband when I'm away. I don't speak of him often but I miss the companionship. I miss hearing about his day. I miss our conversations. This was a good learning for me. We've been together for 11 years and not all of those years have been great ones. It's comforting to know that the person I made a life comittment to is someone I still want to be with. And then there's Ms 8. What can I say - she is a part of me that I will always treasure. She keeps the world sane for me. When I look at her I *know* I have capacity for great good.
8. I have grown immensely as a person. I have never dealt with conflict well. It was one of the things that contributed to my obesity. This week I have dealt with much conflict. Head on. Tough conversations about responsibility, accountability, and shooting yourself in the foot. And while there may have been a chocolate bar or two involved the world didn't fall down. The messages were actually well received by the recipients. Hmmm. Didn't know that was possible.
9. I am a moron. I have been squandering away the gift of the DS by reverting back to old coping mechanisms. I just shake my head. How can a smart person be so stupid? Quite easily apparently. I have no one to blame but myself.
So it's been a week of learnings. Both big and small. Mostly big. My brain is full. I am through and through tired. But I am hopeful. Knowing the true lay of the land is key to building a foundation that will handle the tremors. I am in a much better position to build the right foundation. It's going to be a long haul but the potential is incredibly promising. Even without the rose coloured glasses.
1. that people are not always what they seem. Sounds like a no brainer right? I have always prided myself on being a very good reader of people. I am highly intuitive and over the years have learned to trust my intuition. In the euphoria of working in a 'principled' company I made the mistake of assuming that everyone operates from a place of good intent. I was wrong.
2. Game playing is present at every organization. Sometimes you need to find the room at the back of the store with a guy called Bubba guarding it. But look hard enough and it'll be there. This week I ran into Bubba full force.
3. I have little tolerance for the games. I have no time for it. Literally. My day/week/month is a fine balance of double and triple booked meetings. I don't have time for the basics let alone games of cloak and dagger.
4. There are some very principled people in my peer group. I am very grateful to have them on my team.
5. That managing remotely when things are not working well sucks. I can't "see" what's going on. My teams in Boston and Chelmsford are not in a good place. It's a management issue. I am going to be called hatchet woman before my time is over.
6. I need to put me first. This probably was my biggest light bulb moment...courtesy of sitting in a hotel room alone last night after what can only be described as a long long week. I have fallen into an old behavioural trap of trying to be all things to all people. My job is complex. I inherited a hornets nest. The company is poised for incredible growth. I am involved in a lot of the foundation building. But. no. BUT. I am not eating well. I am not sleeping enough. I am stretching myself too thin and as a result not doing things as well as I would like to. All of these things will bite me in the butt. It's time to get my priorities sorted out. I need to better manage expectations, largely my own. I need to put my hand up for help. I don't do that well.
7. I need my family. They ground me. As much as the boys drive me absolutely freakin' batty they provide me with a counter balance. They have also given me a lot of insight into some of the performance issues I'm dealing with at work. I miss my husband when I'm away. I don't speak of him often but I miss the companionship. I miss hearing about his day. I miss our conversations. This was a good learning for me. We've been together for 11 years and not all of those years have been great ones. It's comforting to know that the person I made a life comittment to is someone I still want to be with. And then there's Ms 8. What can I say - she is a part of me that I will always treasure. She keeps the world sane for me. When I look at her I *know* I have capacity for great good.
8. I have grown immensely as a person. I have never dealt with conflict well. It was one of the things that contributed to my obesity. This week I have dealt with much conflict. Head on. Tough conversations about responsibility, accountability, and shooting yourself in the foot. And while there may have been a chocolate bar or two involved the world didn't fall down. The messages were actually well received by the recipients. Hmmm. Didn't know that was possible.
9. I am a moron. I have been squandering away the gift of the DS by reverting back to old coping mechanisms. I just shake my head. How can a smart person be so stupid? Quite easily apparently. I have no one to blame but myself.
So it's been a week of learnings. Both big and small. Mostly big. My brain is full. I am through and through tired. But I am hopeful. Knowing the true lay of the land is key to building a foundation that will handle the tremors. I am in a much better position to build the right foundation. It's going to be a long haul but the potential is incredibly promising. Even without the rose coloured glasses.
posted by Aussieabroad at
6:18 AM
1 Comments:
whew - that must be a lot of introspection to digest all at one time. Be good to yourself. You are an amazingly talented woman and NOT a moron! You will keep making the little changes and realizations that get you where you want to go - look how far you've come already in so many areas.
Thank you for sharing your journey!
By
Leah, At
12:20 PM
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