I knew it was coming

But I really hoped that it would not. My Mum's cancer is changing. She is losing weight. She has had diarrhoea for about 8 weeks. Her cancer count (CA19-9) has more than doubled from 500 to 1200. The first two are typical symptoms of pancreatic cancer. The last is too. It's not so much about the pure number as it is about the rapid change. Things are definitely changing. I don't think she understands the true implications but I do. She has a specialist appointment next Tuesday - hopefully we'll have an informed opinion then.

Mum has already defied all odds. She has had a good quality of life for the past 2.5years. Very few (less than 10%) with inoperable cancer make it to this point. I guess I should be grateful. I am but I am also a little angry. I am not ready for this. I was ready for this when she was first diagnosed. I am not ready for this now. I guess the last few years has lulled me into a false sense of security. It's particularly easy since I live so far away.

This just bites. I may be 42 years old but I am not ready to lose my mother.