Am I done?

This is a question I've asked myself a number of times. My body has found a comfortable spot that averages out at around 222lbs. At this weight I can eat pretty much what I want, with a focus on protein of course, and there is little up or down movement.

So the question that I have to ask myself is... am I done? Is this the weight that I can live with? Is this the weight that is most comfortable for me?

It is comfortable in that I haven't had to try very hard. I can allow for it to not be a focus in my life and that is very comfortable. I don't stand out in the crowd as the "fat lady" neither do I stand out in the crowd as the "hottie". I don't stand out. And that is comfortable. And I wonder if that is what is going to decide whether I'm done... comfort?

The alternative means I have to act like a normal person trying to lose those last "few" pounds (in my case 40 - 60lbs). It means restricting those things that I know not to be helpful ie simple carbohydrates which I absorb at 100%. It means eating more protein since I only absorb 50% of that. It means eating a good share of fat (20% absorption). It means exercising. It means drinking much more water than I have been.

What's holding me back? My fear of dieting. It's something I have consistently failed at for 30+ years. That's a truck load of failure. Part of the trouble is that dieting was always so overwhelming... I had such a long way to go and when it slowed or didn't work it was nothing short of devastating. I think what I have not got my head around yet is the fact that I do NOT have that far to go. I could probably do this in 6 months with a little effort. This is foreign to me. I am truly in uncharted territory has far as my weight loss is concerned.

So my plan, and yes I do have one, is for a period of one month only, is to go back to the very basics.

- No pop... even the diet stuff I drink could be holding me back
- lower carbs to about 70 - 100 grams per day. This will allow for some flexibility and keep me from a sense of deprivation
- increase protein to 150grams per day
- 30 minutes of exercise 5 times per week
- track food daily
- blog progress daily (I'll keep it short)

I want to see whether my body still has the ability to lose weight or whether I have truly reached the weight I'm meant to be. I can live this weight but I can't live with not knowing whether I was capable of more. I can't live with the sense that I am holding myself back because of a stackload of baggage that I am not yet prepared to explore.

I have had some major success in my working life getting through some baggage (like the inability to deal with conflict), and now I would like to see if I can transfer that to my personal life. Weight loss surgery was never about being the easy way out, I don't want "settling" for a weight to be about the easy way out either.

Does that make any sense?