Silence is not always golden
I like silence. With three kids silence is a rarity. I can be outgoing but I re-energize through down time. I need it. I crave it. Right now I get very little of it.
But silence is not always golden.
Silence is not golden when things go unsaid. Sometimes it's easier to keep quiet but it's not always healthier.
Silence is not golden when you use silence to hide in. I think I'm doing that a little. Pulling myself into a cave of silence as I learn how to deal with my altered anatomy. I have not blogged. I have not reached out to the friends that I would normally reach out to. I have been largely silent. The problem with this silence is that I am not coping. I am wanting to turn to old habits of finding solace in food. But I can't. That's a choice I made. But I want to.
This internal battle is normal. It's reflective of the journey that I still need to complete. Learning what I can and cannot eat, learning how to use food as a fuel rather than as a comfort and learning to allow myself to partake in the foods I want without it creating unnecessary conflict. Right now I have some limitations just because my stomach is so small but with time nothing is off bounds as long as I am prepared to live with the consequences. The worst that will happen with the DS as a result of a small indulgence is wicked gas. If I can live with that then I can go right ahead.
But I'm not there yet. It's all too new and I don't know how I react to a lot of foods... that will come over the next couple of months. I also am not comfortable enough yet with the DS...will it really work for me in the long term? The logical part of my mind tells me that it will but that part of my mind that has been through every weight loss experience on the planet with me is questioning. I need to give myself time. And I need to break the silence. I need to reach out. I need to blog these thoughts and experiences so that I can look back and see how far I've come.
Right now I sound like a crazy obsessed person but I "know" that's ok. If I'm still at this point in 12 months then I have something to be a little more concerned about.
As I listen to the tapping of the keyboard and the budgies singing downstairs I am finding real pleasure in the silence around me this morning. Maybe I can pick and choose which silence I seek?
But silence is not always golden.
Silence is not golden when things go unsaid. Sometimes it's easier to keep quiet but it's not always healthier.
Silence is not golden when you use silence to hide in. I think I'm doing that a little. Pulling myself into a cave of silence as I learn how to deal with my altered anatomy. I have not blogged. I have not reached out to the friends that I would normally reach out to. I have been largely silent. The problem with this silence is that I am not coping. I am wanting to turn to old habits of finding solace in food. But I can't. That's a choice I made. But I want to.
This internal battle is normal. It's reflective of the journey that I still need to complete. Learning what I can and cannot eat, learning how to use food as a fuel rather than as a comfort and learning to allow myself to partake in the foods I want without it creating unnecessary conflict. Right now I have some limitations just because my stomach is so small but with time nothing is off bounds as long as I am prepared to live with the consequences. The worst that will happen with the DS as a result of a small indulgence is wicked gas. If I can live with that then I can go right ahead.
But I'm not there yet. It's all too new and I don't know how I react to a lot of foods... that will come over the next couple of months. I also am not comfortable enough yet with the DS...will it really work for me in the long term? The logical part of my mind tells me that it will but that part of my mind that has been through every weight loss experience on the planet with me is questioning. I need to give myself time. And I need to break the silence. I need to reach out. I need to blog these thoughts and experiences so that I can look back and see how far I've come.
Right now I sound like a crazy obsessed person but I "know" that's ok. If I'm still at this point in 12 months then I have something to be a little more concerned about.
As I listen to the tapping of the keyboard and the budgies singing downstairs I am finding real pleasure in the silence around me this morning. Maybe I can pick and choose which silence I seek?
posted by Aussieabroad at
9:18 AM
1 Comments:
Hey-
I came to visit from the OH DS board. I am Kimmer. I kept a blog of my DS experience. I am just home from plastics. It is hard to eat and drink again.
Figuring out your daily food/water intake will be your FULL time job for the next several weeks. This is a new phase for you. Congrats on your surgery.
By
Anonymous, At
9:41 AM
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