Reality
I had been wondering when reality would hit. I have not had a major case of the jitters, I have not been overly stressed or weepy (other than what has been caused by other factors). I had started to wonder whether I was simply in denial - not dealing with the fact that in just a few short days I would be having life altering surgery.
Last night a little bit of reality crept in. While snuggling with my daughter as we enjoyed a family night of watching Polar Express, the reality hit me - I would not see her for 10 days. For 10 days I will not feel her snuggling on my lap first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening. There will be no bed time routine, tucking her in and saying our little poem to ward off the bad dreams. There will be no sharing her trials and tribulations as she tends to do when she's had a nice warm shower and we're getting ready for our day.
I will miss her testing for her orange belt. I will miss her being in the local Santa Claus parade. And while this surgery will allow me to not miss things that I might other wise have missed - I will miss these things. I will miss her. With every fibre of my being I will miss her.
Last night a little bit of reality crept in. While snuggling with my daughter as we enjoyed a family night of watching Polar Express, the reality hit me - I would not see her for 10 days. For 10 days I will not feel her snuggling on my lap first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening. There will be no bed time routine, tucking her in and saying our little poem to ward off the bad dreams. There will be no sharing her trials and tribulations as she tends to do when she's had a nice warm shower and we're getting ready for our day.
I will miss her testing for her orange belt. I will miss her being in the local Santa Claus parade. And while this surgery will allow me to not miss things that I might other wise have missed - I will miss these things. I will miss her. With every fibre of my being I will miss her.
posted by Aussieabroad at
7:47 AM
3 Comments:
First, I want to say that I felt much the same way. I wasn't overly nervous, and probably more relaxed than anyone thought I'd be. I really tried to be balanced and not have any expectations whatsoever. That worked for me.
My heart hurts for you, having to be away from your daughter for 10 days. But what a gift you are giving to both of you!
Just a few more days, and you'll be a butterfly reborn!
By
Donna, At
9:55 AM
Oh Ann sweety.
My heart breaks for you as well. BUT...my heart is full for you as well, knowing that this surgery could buy you many, many more years of memories with Tylee.
Please don't be offended when I say...Think of all the things that you will be able to do that being so overweight has not ALLOWED you to do! You are CREATING a future with her.
As hard as it sounds, 10 days will be over before you know it.
HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!!!
By
Anonymous, At
2:42 PM
I completely understand your feelings - I can't imagine leaving my son for that long, but I certainly agree with Donna and Dawn - think of the future. Think of all the things you will be able to share with her very soon....think about "Wicked"! Call her up each night and recite your special poem with her and listen to her trials and happy moments. No, it's not the same as being there in person, but you can still be there for her....and you will be there for her for many, many years to come!
Good luck! I'll be praying for you!
By
Karin, At
3:56 PM
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