Do your homework!
I feel so ill equipped to parent teenagers. I am truly at a point in my parenting skills when I can say that I don't know what to do next.
Don't get me wrong - the boys are ok. They are not in trouble with the law. They don't smoke, do drugs or alcohol (as far as we can tell). They have moments where they truly are amazing human beings and neat to know, but... and yes has to be a but, else there wouldn't be this post.
But the boys don't do their homework. We have received calls/letters from both of their teachers indicating that this is a major issue. With son 2 we know what's going on and we're on top of it as we can be, with son 1 it came as a complete surprise. He will look you right in the eye and tell you that he has no homework. His interim report card that came in yesterday, and the call with his English teacher today, told us that he was lying. A lot. Lying is one thing I will not accept from my children.
Homework is but the symptom - what is driving these kids to put themselves at risk by not doing what is expected of them? Is it that we have created an environment where they don't feel they can come to us for help? I would hope not - we put everything on hold to help out. Hubby took a day off work on Friday to work with son no 2, I spent a good chunk of the weekend doing the same. We put a premium on school work. As a kid, that's your job. We will coach, we will check - we will do what they need us to do. We will not do the work for them. My philosophy is simple. Give them the skills to do for themselves so that they can keep as many options open as they move into adulthood.
Is it that our expectations are too high? Should we not expect them to do their work when it's due? Should we not expect them to contribute to the household by helping out occasionally? Already we have taken away the burden of having to baby-sit their sister for two hours every day. We pay $4000 for someone else to do that. But it means that when they come home from school - all they have to do is their work. Are we expecting too much? My gut is telling me no. I believe that everyone has to contribute and if anything we are a little too easy on them. We don't have a massive list of chores. It is usually event driven i.e. Grandma is coming to visit, we have to tidy the house! Do we expect A's? No. We expect that you put in your best effort - the grades will flow from that. If it's a C with best effort so be it. But if it's a C with no effort than you will be having a very unpleasant discussion.
Do we not love them enough? I guess it could be perceived by the boys that we don't. We certainly do but do we always demonstrate it - no. We are so caught up in dealing with "the crap of the day" that you do forget to demonstrate it. It's hard to tell a seething, lying teenager that you love him when all you want to do is smack him up the side of the head and say "WTF????"
I don't know what to do next. I resent the crap out of them for putting the family through such unnecessary turmoil. Everyone is impacted. My daughter has noticed the tension - it is not fair to her. It is not fair to us. I am tired and I don't know where to go next. I so want the boys to be able to enjoy the best of all life has to offer - how can I motivate them to do for themselves because I can't do it for them?
Don't get me wrong - the boys are ok. They are not in trouble with the law. They don't smoke, do drugs or alcohol (as far as we can tell). They have moments where they truly are amazing human beings and neat to know, but... and yes has to be a but, else there wouldn't be this post.
But the boys don't do their homework. We have received calls/letters from both of their teachers indicating that this is a major issue. With son 2 we know what's going on and we're on top of it as we can be, with son 1 it came as a complete surprise. He will look you right in the eye and tell you that he has no homework. His interim report card that came in yesterday, and the call with his English teacher today, told us that he was lying. A lot. Lying is one thing I will not accept from my children.
Homework is but the symptom - what is driving these kids to put themselves at risk by not doing what is expected of them? Is it that we have created an environment where they don't feel they can come to us for help? I would hope not - we put everything on hold to help out. Hubby took a day off work on Friday to work with son no 2, I spent a good chunk of the weekend doing the same. We put a premium on school work. As a kid, that's your job. We will coach, we will check - we will do what they need us to do. We will not do the work for them. My philosophy is simple. Give them the skills to do for themselves so that they can keep as many options open as they move into adulthood.
Is it that our expectations are too high? Should we not expect them to do their work when it's due? Should we not expect them to contribute to the household by helping out occasionally? Already we have taken away the burden of having to baby-sit their sister for two hours every day. We pay $4000 for someone else to do that. But it means that when they come home from school - all they have to do is their work. Are we expecting too much? My gut is telling me no. I believe that everyone has to contribute and if anything we are a little too easy on them. We don't have a massive list of chores. It is usually event driven i.e. Grandma is coming to visit, we have to tidy the house! Do we expect A's? No. We expect that you put in your best effort - the grades will flow from that. If it's a C with best effort so be it. But if it's a C with no effort than you will be having a very unpleasant discussion.
Do we not love them enough? I guess it could be perceived by the boys that we don't. We certainly do but do we always demonstrate it - no. We are so caught up in dealing with "the crap of the day" that you do forget to demonstrate it. It's hard to tell a seething, lying teenager that you love him when all you want to do is smack him up the side of the head and say "WTF????"
I don't know what to do next. I resent the crap out of them for putting the family through such unnecessary turmoil. Everyone is impacted. My daughter has noticed the tension - it is not fair to her. It is not fair to us. I am tired and I don't know where to go next. I so want the boys to be able to enjoy the best of all life has to offer - how can I motivate them to do for themselves because I can't do it for them?
posted by Aussieabroad at
11:20 AM
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