It's all about the kids
As a parent, kids naturally dominate most aspects of your life. Even when you're not with them you're thinking about them. Thinking about their challenges, thinking about the special things they do, thinking about how to support them in becoming good citizens. You're always thinking about them.
Children are both the most rewarding and frustrating undertaking you are likely to ever encounter.
So with that - I figure its time for an update, especially given the trials and tribulations I've shared periodically in this blog.
Mr 16. In the past two weeks we have received two emails from his history teacher. The latest one sharing with us that he is playing on his DS in class rather than staying focussed. Apparently the same happens in math. When confronted yesterday his response was "yes, I've slacked off". I have to say that made me laugh...his starting point was not doing homework and not paying attention in class. It's hard to imagine that he can slack off any more but he found a way. Got to give him an A for that. Later yesterday after a run in with his dad, during a less than pretty rage he basically said that he doesn't care about screwing up because no matter what he does we'll find something else that he's screwed up, some small thing. Better the small things than the big things son. Giving up because you don't want anyone to ever give you feedback just isn't going to cut it. Here's my solution - get you head out of the ground (cleansed from what I was really thinking) long enough to ensure you don't screw up needlessly. Screw ups happen - going out of your way to be a dumbass is what we have issue with. He really doesn't see that he is closing so many doors with his actions. He doesn't want to see because that would require significant effort on his part to keep those doors from being nailed shut permanently.
Mr 13 is currently on his grade 8 trip. Yesterday two bus loads left for Quebec City... a 12 hour drive to all things French Canadian. His inclusion on the trip was a last minute one. He lost it last year as a result of his behavior but I have to hand it to him...even knowing he wasn't going he has really turned it around this year. His grades aren't great but he's putting in an effort. The attitude has improved significantly. He still has his teenager/little boy moments where he is nothing short of a pain in the butt but they are less often than more. He is more a 'normal' teenager with all the ups and downs that that entails. For his efforts we convinced the school to take him. He was thrilled. I think he realizes that his actions have allowed him to earn back the privilege of going. I hope it sticks. Next year he is off to high school and as a natural follower that places him at risk. I am more hopeful though that this could be a positive experience.
Ms 7. A couple of days ago she shared with me that she is really lonely both at school and at home. At home she is the youngest. The boys exclude her because well, they are older, she is a girl and they have no patience for her. Some of this is natural, the age difference does have a huge impact. Some of it is them being them - they are still too self centred to cater to a 7 year old. Some of the problem is that she seems so mature at times that you forget that she's 7. They expect more from her than perhaps they should. Dad sometimes does this too. She is 7 socially. Mentally she's 12.
The school thing caught me by surprise. In a sobbing and lengthy discussion she told me that she had no friends at school. I managed to get her to bring that down to specific examples so I could offer her some advice on what she could do. At this age it's so hard for them to understand the impact of their own behaviours on others. Ms 7 knows the difference between right and wrong...when someone is breaking the rules she does not hesitate to tell them. What she is trying to do is stop them from getting into trouble, what her friends hear no doubt is little miss bossy goody two shoes. When you say something wrong, Ms 7 will correct you. You can imagine how well this would go over with other 7 and 8 year olds.
Yesterday was a better day. She played with a few of her class mates. Her task for the day... don't correct anyone unless not correcting them would put someone in danger. Where safety is concerned all bets are off. It's such a fine line - she is such a bright kid and sharing that obviously brings her pleasure. I want her to enjoy that intelligence and not feel that she ever has to "dumb it down" to keep friends. I also want her to learn the social skills that will allow her to make life long friendships. Kids can be so cruel. I don't want her to be unhappy during her school years.
So my kids occupy much of my thinking time. It is all about them. I hope that when all is said and done that we can look back and see that we raised good hearted contributing members of society. I just hope that the kids will look back and know they were loved. Even when that love was tough.
Children are both the most rewarding and frustrating undertaking you are likely to ever encounter.
So with that - I figure its time for an update, especially given the trials and tribulations I've shared periodically in this blog.
Mr 16. In the past two weeks we have received two emails from his history teacher. The latest one sharing with us that he is playing on his DS in class rather than staying focussed. Apparently the same happens in math. When confronted yesterday his response was "yes, I've slacked off". I have to say that made me laugh...his starting point was not doing homework and not paying attention in class. It's hard to imagine that he can slack off any more but he found a way. Got to give him an A for that. Later yesterday after a run in with his dad, during a less than pretty rage he basically said that he doesn't care about screwing up because no matter what he does we'll find something else that he's screwed up, some small thing. Better the small things than the big things son. Giving up because you don't want anyone to ever give you feedback just isn't going to cut it. Here's my solution - get you head out of the ground (cleansed from what I was really thinking) long enough to ensure you don't screw up needlessly. Screw ups happen - going out of your way to be a dumbass is what we have issue with. He really doesn't see that he is closing so many doors with his actions. He doesn't want to see because that would require significant effort on his part to keep those doors from being nailed shut permanently.
Mr 13 is currently on his grade 8 trip. Yesterday two bus loads left for Quebec City... a 12 hour drive to all things French Canadian. His inclusion on the trip was a last minute one. He lost it last year as a result of his behavior but I have to hand it to him...even knowing he wasn't going he has really turned it around this year. His grades aren't great but he's putting in an effort. The attitude has improved significantly. He still has his teenager/little boy moments where he is nothing short of a pain in the butt but they are less often than more. He is more a 'normal' teenager with all the ups and downs that that entails. For his efforts we convinced the school to take him. He was thrilled. I think he realizes that his actions have allowed him to earn back the privilege of going. I hope it sticks. Next year he is off to high school and as a natural follower that places him at risk. I am more hopeful though that this could be a positive experience.
Ms 7. A couple of days ago she shared with me that she is really lonely both at school and at home. At home she is the youngest. The boys exclude her because well, they are older, she is a girl and they have no patience for her. Some of this is natural, the age difference does have a huge impact. Some of it is them being them - they are still too self centred to cater to a 7 year old. Some of the problem is that she seems so mature at times that you forget that she's 7. They expect more from her than perhaps they should. Dad sometimes does this too. She is 7 socially. Mentally she's 12.
The school thing caught me by surprise. In a sobbing and lengthy discussion she told me that she had no friends at school. I managed to get her to bring that down to specific examples so I could offer her some advice on what she could do. At this age it's so hard for them to understand the impact of their own behaviours on others. Ms 7 knows the difference between right and wrong...when someone is breaking the rules she does not hesitate to tell them. What she is trying to do is stop them from getting into trouble, what her friends hear no doubt is little miss bossy goody two shoes. When you say something wrong, Ms 7 will correct you. You can imagine how well this would go over with other 7 and 8 year olds.
Yesterday was a better day. She played with a few of her class mates. Her task for the day... don't correct anyone unless not correcting them would put someone in danger. Where safety is concerned all bets are off. It's such a fine line - she is such a bright kid and sharing that obviously brings her pleasure. I want her to enjoy that intelligence and not feel that she ever has to "dumb it down" to keep friends. I also want her to learn the social skills that will allow her to make life long friendships. Kids can be so cruel. I don't want her to be unhappy during her school years.
So my kids occupy much of my thinking time. It is all about them. I hope that when all is said and done that we can look back and see that we raised good hearted contributing members of society. I just hope that the kids will look back and know they were loved. Even when that love was tough.
posted by Aussieabroad at
9:36 AM
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