Comparisons

As a society we spend a great deal of time on comparisons. We use comparisons to make order of our hectic lives and use it as an assessment tool of our performance. We are driven and we use comparisons for a self evaluation – it’s a form of instant feedback.

Think about it, we judge

- how well our kids are doing by comparing them to their peers and their siblings at the same age
- how well we are doing at work by comparing the size of our office, the size of our bonus, the number of extra projects you are invited to participate in against those of our work place peers
- how well we are doing financially by the cars we drive, by the houses and neighbourhoods we live in, by the vacations we take and by the things we have.

We can only work out our relative place in the big scheme of things by comparing.

We all do it. It’s almost impossible not to but what it does mean is that we can never truly enjoy what we have or what we do or our accomplishments for how they make us feel. No outside influence to measure it against.

I noticed this because I have been visiting a great website called www.obesityhelp.com It’s a website for all types of weight loss – surgical or otherwise. I frequent the Duodenal Switch forum as part of my learning to live as a DS’er. Daily I read the wonderful success stories of woman and men who have made the life changing decision to take control of their obesity. Each story is different – the challenges, the successes, the losses. But even so I compare. I look at their surgery dates and I look at their weight loss and I compare – who’s losing quickly, who is losing slower. Why is there a difference? Is there anything I can learn so that I can help myself be a quick loser? That sort of thing.

I know that I am not alone. I read stories of people who are disappointed about their weight loss. Not because they are unhappy to have forever lost that 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60lbs they’ve lost so far but because they know that someone out there has done it faster, quicker, “better”.

And I know that’s exactly what I’ll be doing once I’ve had my surgery. Comparing myself to others. Partly as a marker to see if I’m on track so I know whether I have an issue that I will need to speak to my surgeon about. Partly because, like every one else, I want to be a “wow” story.

What I really want to do is enjoy the journey. I know I will compare, to say I won’t would end up being a lie. But what I would like to do more is focus on each and every lb that I lose as being a step towards good health. My good health. No matter how much anyone else loses it doesn’t impact my health. I want to focus on celebrating the successes and not just the weight loss ones.

For me this will largely be a journey of renegotiating my parameters and of learning new ways to deal with life both good and bad. Every time I do so successfully, I am going to try and consciously give myself a pat on the back. On the weekend when I chose writing over fudge… pat on the back. It’s a coping skill and one which has hugely positive ramifications for my health and happiness. Halloween, not one candy eaten nor craved. Pat on the back. That took self control and the ability to remember the end goal. I am not good at that so small steps need to be celebrated.

Comparisons allow us to make order of our world, celebrating our successes for what they are sans comparisons will help make our world a happier one for ourselves.