What the heck is wrong with me?

You'd think that being bored out of my mind, being lonely for intelligent adult interaction and facing a finite deadline where the money will no longer be there would be enough to light a fuse under my ass and get me moving. But that's not the way it's working. It's been nothing short of a struggle. I am procrastinating all over the place. I am finding it a real chore to go through the process and I simply don't get it.

What's the heck is wrong with me? What am I doing this? It's almost like I want to fail. What's the price of failure?

Well... let's start with

1. no house... we cannot afford our mortgage on one salary
2. no marriage... ours will not last through an extended unemployment period. Hubby has some real baggage as a result of his first wife choosing not to work. The stress that's already occurring will break us. Don't get me wrong - he's been wonderfully supportive but there is an under current. I know he's concerned.

We stand to lose everything as a family. I'll say it again. What the heck is wrong with me?